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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

Read the full prologue!

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Mistborn Series Brandon Sanderson
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Eli Corwin

new character

4 replies to this topic

#1 Signs_of_Ruin

0
Skaa

Posted 28 October 2013 - 01:46 AM

Eli Corwin
Smoker

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Name/Handle: Eli
Contact: Skype or IM












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Name: Eli Corwin
Type: Noble
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Place of Origin: Fadrex City
Occupation: Hazekiller
Relationship Status: Single












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Type of Powers: Misting
Metals Used: Copper
Degree of Skill: Advanced
Status: Hidden outside House Corwin












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Eli looks every-bit the classic Nobleman. With neatly cut, black hair and blue/green eyes, and a strong athletic build he has been labeled as "handsome". Unlike his younger brother Isaac, however, he usually appears stoic, disciplined, and his eyes rarely smile.

He is always well dressed but prefers the classic styles to the more flamboyant that rely on bright colored vests. Eli's wardrobe is full of blacks, dark blues, and the occasional pinstriped suite with vests that range from metallic colors like silver and gold, to simpler ones of red or green.

True to the noble roots of House Corwin, he stands a couple inches north of 6 feet tall, with a lean, muscular frame. Like many members of his House his facial features have been described as predatory, with sharp cheek bones and a hawkish nose.

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Eli Corwin is best described as a well disciplined gentleman. Many have commented on his obvious military baring and the way he always appears in control of himself in any situation. Despite receiving the attention of more than a few young woman he rarely shows more than surface affection for any of them and is generally seen as distant, if still pleasant.

Being the eldest son of his House, Eli is fiercely loyal to his family. Every action he takes in the social-political climate of the Final Empire is to further the interests of House Corwin. Even if asked to kill a fellow noble he will not hesitate if it is for the betterment of his House.

Despite being openly personable and leading a normal social life among fellow nobles he is quite cold toward skaa. He will not hesitate to commit violent acts against skaa if he feels they are disrespecting him in some way, or simply making a nuisance of themselves. Growing up in the Western Dominance, far away from the city of Luthadel, he finds the city skaa to be undisciplined and lazy.

Staying true to his goals for House Corwin, Eli is a pious believer in the one religion of the Final Empire. However, though he may worship the Lord Ruler he secretly despises him. Though, unlike some more liberal nobles, it has nothing to do with his brutality or cruelty toward skaa. Instead his hatred stems from God's influence over House politics and his little interest in noble families outside the Great Houses.

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Special Skills: Acrobatics, infiltration, stealth, talented with a dueling cane, and a master of daggers.
Strengths: Physically fit, intelligent, rational, driven, trained Hazekiller and assassin.
Weaknesses: Arrogant, willing to risk his life for the sake of the mission, goal oriented to a fault, irrational and dangerous when angry. His cruel, callous nature concerning skaa. Desperate for his parent's approval. Follows his father's orders without question, easily manipulated by his mother.












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Parents- Alexander and Victoria Corwin
Born- 886

Youth-
Eli Corwin, being the heir of his House, was placed under overwhelming pressure at a young age. He was trained in etiquette, and rhetoric at a young age by his mother. By his father he was trained in military discipline and was expected to carry himself as an officer on the battlefield no matter the situation. It was at this time that he began to look down on the skaa labored for his family's ore mining business. Afterall, if an adult skaa was required to follow the rules of a child then they were obviously an inferior breed.

Adolescence-
As he grew older, so too did his younger brother Isaac, who thankfully diverted some of his father's intensity. The two grew close and Eli felt it was his responsibility to shoulder the blame for Isaac's mistakes just like any good officer should take the blame for the errors committed by his soldiers.

It was at the age of 13 that Eli inadvertently Snapped. Due to his father's lack of allomantic ability, and his mother being nothing more than a brass Misting he was never put through brutal beating required to induce a Snap.

To test him and his brother as an effective team their father abandoned them miles away from Fadrex City, deep into the arid, rocky, and hot climate of the Western Dominance. Alexander gave them each a single order: get back to Fadrex alive and with 100 boxings each. Simple enough right? It could have been if not for their lack of supplies and roadways that were scarcely policed and they had a single month to accomplish it.

Theft kept the two fed, and verbal manipulation kept them warm on cold nights. It wasn't the hardest thing in the world for two intelligent, well-spoken young men to when the confidence of a noble woman. And a child's quick fingers was an easy way to gather the 100 boxings required. Normally Eli would have been disgusted with the idea of thievery, but this was for the good of House Corwin.

Everything progressed smoothly until the pair was caught on a main road between Fadrex and a smaller city. A band of highwaymen ambushed them, attacking them with little regard to their noble heritage or young age.

Eli fought back as best he could, clawing, biting, kicking, and punching with all the strength his young body held. He never believed an adult skaa could hit so hard until he was caught across the face with a haymaker that nearly broke his jaw, sending blood spilling from his mouth. One kick, then another, and another, and another collided with his body, eventually becoming just one unending blur of pain and moments of blackness.

Pride, anger, and love forced him to his feet as the team moved to his little brother, bearing down on the young boy with sadistic smiles. Eli attacked them with wild abandon, yanking the dagger from one's boot and stabbing it ruthlessly into his calf. He would never forget that first act, the first time he saw blood on his hands. Unfortunately for him the others recovered from their shock quickly, and a flurry of blows came down on him. His head swam in a black sea and stars exploded behind his eyes. Breaths came in wheezes when the beating finally stopped.

The rest of the journey was a blur of pain and unconsciousness, being half dragged by his younger sibling who received far less of a beating. But they had failed, having lost a full 100 boxings would not make their father happy.

Upon returning home, Isaac attempted to take the blame for their shortcomings. While the maid was attending Eli, Isaac endured a punishing beating from his father, the physical violence resulting in his snap. When Eli burst into the room he noticed that his mother's eyes, and smile didn't calm him nearly as much as it always had. Strange considering his mother was a Soother of some skill.

Eli was unknowingly burning copper, having Snapped from his beating from the thieves. In the later days of the failure, as their father realized that his sons were Mistings his ire grew dim. Instead he began grooming them as tools to further the goals of House Corwin.

Early Adulthood-
Eli's early adulthood was spent in rigorous training, both physically, mentally, and socially. He and his brother were each trained extensively as Hazekillers, taught how to fight entire teams of Mistings and how to survive against the powerful Mistborn of rival Houses. This would be their way of gaining more power for House Corwin. To take away a family's allomancer's was to take away their greatest strength.

By this time Eli was also managing the Houses business, which focused on the mining of ore to be used in the creation of allomantic metals and of other usable stone and precious gems.

Adulthood-
To be discovered.

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The night blew long in the ash filled gutters of Fadrex City.

Gloom and mist swirled around Eli, tickling his skin and blocking the rest of the world from view. He crouched like that between two overlapping rooftops for a long while, only the slow, rhythmic drumming of his heart alerting him to the passage of time. The night ticked through his veins, cool and dark as a deep river current. Only the copper burning in his gut chased back the eerie, midnight chill. But, just like the mists, his copper was nothing more than another way to hide himself.

He was always doing that. Hiding in shadows. Hiding in mist. Hiding in a coppercloud. Hiding and killing.

Tonight was no different.

His father's orders ran through his head and he silently mouthed the words as he sat. This was another job for the good of House Corwin, another murder. The commands were simple enough.

Wait with your brother Isaac in the warehouse district until the target arrives, a Tineye and a traitor among nobles.

Eli wondered how many lives his father had taken; must have been a lot to talk so casually about it. How long did he have to wait before life stopped having meaning to him? He flared the copper within him, burying his doubt beneath its shroud, letting himself go numb.

A sense of cool rationale filled him and he knew why this man needed to die. The target was a fellow noble spreading lies and misinformation about the Corwin name. He was trying to crumble the foundations of Eli's own House. According to Alexander there could be no greater sin. What more reason did Eli need to know his father was right?

Eli could feel his brother tense next to him and stood before the first word ever passed Isaac's lips. “Which direction is he coming from, is it the Tineye?”

Isaac hesitated for a moment, staring intently into the fog with flared tin. Shrouded by Eli's coppercloud the pair were unafraid of being located by a hidden Seeker. “Yeah, definitely a Tineye judging from the way he walks through the mists, like he's in his element. Coming straight toward us."

Following his brother's eyes, Eli stared hard into the mists for just a glimpse of their target as he neared. He felt naked, exposed despite the mists and darkness. A Tineye like Isaac was the most dangerous sort of prey, the kind with senses that crossed the line into super human. Again the Smoker was comforted by the warmth of his burning copper, not because it shielded him from the keen eyes of a tin Misting, but because it reminded him that stealth was his weapon.

“There,” Isaac mouthed the words and notched a glass-tipped arrow before taking aim at the well-dressed aristocrat.

Eli raised his hand to still his brother; it was too early to strike. There was another target, whoever the nameless noble was paying to spread his misinformation through the city. The Smoker unconsciously drew further into the shadows, holding his breath as the nobleman passed just below. He was thankful for the cloths of mottled grays, blacks, and browns that served to break up his image in the shadowy mists.

Isaac pointed down and nodded.

At least our spies got the meeting place right, Eli thought as he crouched low on the rooftop, straining his ears to hear something, anything from the man he was sent to kill.

“Do you have the coin?” A deep baritone broke the silence; the noble's accomplice had finally arrived.

Coins jingled in the Tineye's hand. “Since when have I ever come out here without your precious money?”

The other grunted. "First time for everything."

"Show a more respect, skaa," he sniffed loudly through his nose, a dismissive sound, "I'm paying you quite well for simple work."

Eli did not need to hear anymore.

He gripped the edge of the rooftop and swung down into the street. Soft, worn leather boots muffled the landing as much as was possible; hoped it was enough to hide him from the Misting just ahead. A single step later he heard heard his brother land behind him and he inched forward as quickly as he dared. Isaac would drop the Tineye, he would drop the skaa. Clean. Efficient.

The feint snap of a bow string reached his ears and the dead-man turned, surprise etching his features. Too slow. A glass tipped arrow sprouted from his throat, whatever words he was trying to say spilling out in crimson on the cobbled street. Without hesitation Eli sprang forward, an obsidian dagger in each hand. He attacked the muscular skaa with precision and finesse, each slash of his volcanic-glass blades aimed at a vein, artery, or tendon. But the man moved with an unnatural quickness, avoiding the well-aimed slashes far better than a normal person could have.

Isaac's voice confirmed Eli's fears.

“He's a Thug!” the younger of the two Hazekillers yelled, “back off him.”

Ignoring his brother's words, Eli pressed his attack even harder. He couldn't let the man live, couldn't fail. Pewter Misting or not, the man was a target, a skaa no less. Eli was heir to a noble house- how could he let some skaa shame him?- there was no room for failure in his life.

The Hazekiller threw himself at the Thug with reckless abandon, his knives, black flashes as they sliced through the mist. The large skaa backpedaled, trying desperately to escape the onslaught until he managed to get the staff from off his back. The Thug's leather armor turned slashes, his deft handling of the wooden stave turned others, but still even more cuts found flesh.

Skin bled and mist churned around the two Allomancers.

Still in shock, the brutish skaa gave more and more ground, leading the pair to the mouth of the alley. Eli knew he needed to end it before they could reach the main streets; otherwise, things would get complicated fast.

“Who the hell are you?” grunted the Thug. His footing regained, the skaa retaliated with a swing at Eli's temple that could stave a man's skull.

Eli ducked, barely managing to avoid the crushing blow. When he looked back up the brute had an arrow blooming from his broad chest, turning each breath to a gurgling, sickly wheeze. Still the skaa wouldn't drop while his pewter burned. The Thug came down with a crushing overhead swing, forcing Eli to roll to his left. He was too slow. Pain blossomed in his right shoulder, reaching a crescendo as it shot through the arm and causing him to drop his dagger. He growled, flared his copper, and swallowed the pain. Hide it, bury it. The mantra fluttered through his thoughts.

“Why won't you die!” snarled Eli, willing his numb fingers to work again to grab the cracked knife at his feet.

Eli went at the Thug like a whirlwind of blades, all sharp edges and pain. His years of training showed as he pored himself into the assault. Even the Misting's pewter enhanced grace and speed afforded him few dodges and even fewer parries. Eli's knives were everywhere, seemingly striking from impossible angles, snaking passed block after block with a master's precision. Everywhere he hit a red, wet wound appeared on the large skaa.

If not for his pewter the man would have succumb to his multitude of cuts long ago, but with the metal the Misting fought on like a cornered beast. Wild swings narrowly missed Eli as he bobbed and weaved through the Thug's haphazard strikes, landing stab after stab and cut after cut on the stubborn skaa. But even he could not avoid them all- this skaa intended to live, even if just a little longer.

A lucky kick took Eli's feet from beneath him and he felt himself falling toward the cold streets. He hit hard on his injured right shoulder, letting out a yelp of pain despite himself. Emboldened, the bleeding, dying Thug closed in with a raised boot. Eli squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating the pain, the death that would come from even a single pewter-enhanced stomp.

The twang of a bowstring reached Eli's ears. A cry of pain came from the Thug and he stumbled back a pace.

Eli's eyes snapped open and he sprang to his feet despite the burning of his lungs and shaking of his muscles. Right arm nearly numb he raised his daggers between himself and the Thug, taking note of an arrow jutting from the large skaa's right eye socket. Thank the Lord Ruler for Isaac and his bow.

“Just die already!” Eli used the last of his stamina to press his attack a final time.

The obsidian daggers, chipped, cracked and soaked in blood went at the skaa Misting from both sides. Blind in his right eye and with his body racked with pain despite the pewter in his gut, the Thug only parried the thrust coming at his left side. Its twin bit deep, spraying blood into the roiling mist. The blade sank up to the hilt into the man's right side, scraping against his ribs as it went. Desperate to end the fight, Eli stabbed the length of his knife into the skaa relentlessly.

Desperate and dying the skaa wrapped thick fingers around his killer's throat and squeezed. Eli's throat ached, his wind pipe beginning to collapse in the Thug's grip. Sensing his danger, he stabbed again, again, again until his fingers were slick with gore, his wet-work uniformed splattered with blood. Finally the skaa died, releasing his grip and collapsing limp to the cobbled street.

“Damn skaa broke my dagger,” Eli wheezed, rubbing his throat as he looked at the shattered blade in his right hand.

He stepped away from the corpse, but not before spitting at it with disgust. If that opponent had been a noble then it could have been a victory to be proud of, but killing a skaa was like killing an animal. They could be dangerous, sure, but they were still just lesser creatures.

“Lets get back, the job's done.” Eli's voice was angry, his eyes empty.

Isaac nodded solemnly, trying not to look at his gore soaked brother.

"That's why I do the Close Work, little brother. Better me than you." No anger this time, just the same emptiness in his eyes.

Edited by Signs_of_Ruin, 31 October 2013 - 02:51 PM.


#2 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

355
Looking Good in Red

Posted 28 October 2013 - 05:42 PM

The target being a fellow nobleman who was collecting some incriminating information on other houses. Supposedly, the nameless nobleman- Eli's father Alexander never gave them names- was a known Tineye so he wouldn't be too hard to find, not with Isaac's abilities as a Seeker. Of course, that was why the two were a team; a Smoker like Eli wasn't of much use alone, but when couple with another Misting his ability to burn copper was invaluable.
I really like Eli. His character conflicts are a nice contrast to his brother's, which I assume was your intention.

The writing is good, and the character is compelling, so, like Isaac, I am prepared to accept Eli, provided a few issues are dealt with.

Firstly, the brother's use of allomancy:

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Eli could feel his brother tense next to him and he stood before the first word ever passed Isaac's lips. “Which direction is he coming from, is it a Tineye?”

Isaac hesitated for a moment, focusing on the allomantic pulses that only he could hear, flaring his bronze without fear beneath the shroud of Eli's coppercloud. “Yeah, definitely a Tineye, coming straight toward us from that alleyway.”

The coppercloud would deaden the air around the brothers to allomantic pulses, so Isaac would be just as unable to see out of the cloud as enemy allomancers would be unable to see in. This question has been asked many times, and the clarification of how it works comes from Brandon. There is no way for a Bronze user to sense allomantic pulses if they or the people they are trying to sense, are within a copper cloud. Even Mistborn must always turn off their copper before burning bronze.

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Upon returning home, Isaac attempted to take the blame for their shortcomings. While the maid was attending Eli, Isaac endured a punishing beating from his father, the physical violence resulting in his snap. Everything went silent, the faint pulsing of allomancy ringing in his ears. He didn't understand at the time, but soon he would realize what he had heard that night. The pulse dying down as his brother burst through the doors-- angry, and aggressive.

Eli was unknowingly burning Copper, having Snapped from his beating from the thieves.

Evidence seems to indicate that Copper does not have the gradual effect you describe here, though we don't have the official clarification on that point. In the books, the effects of burning copper are always immediate. Pulses don't fade in or out, the vanish. This means that when Eli arrives, the pulses Isaac hears should vanish suddenly, instead of fading out. Also, I'm curious to know whose allomancy Isaac was sensing, since it wouldn't be Eli's copper.

Aside from those two allomantic issues, I think the characters are both looking good. Thank-you for being so accommodating by changing the name. I've been typing in a hurry, so let me know if any of the above is in any way nonsensical.

EDIT: Another thing I forgot to mention. I am a little uncertain about Eli's altercation with the thug. I get that of the two, Eli is better trained by far, but the natural strength, speed, and grace should still give the thug an advantage. It's fine that Eli wins, of course, but I would like to see him struggle a little more, especially because he attacks so rashly. Surviving an altercation with a thug one on one should cause more inconvenience than merely being winded, in my opinion, even with his brother's help. Keep in mind that a regular haze killer technique for dealing with allomancers (especially thugs and mistborn) is to use their numbers against them. I get that Eli usually works just with his brother, and while the arrow would have weakened the thug, the pewter burners in the book are capable of some pretty amazing things, so I would like to see a little more struggle to reflect that.

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#3 Signs_of_Ruin

0
Skaa

Posted 29 October 2013 - 01:36 AM

Post revised. Hopefully I conveyed Eli as a character more, and presented the fight more realistically.

Edited by Signs_of_Ruin, 31 October 2013 - 03:31 AM.


#4 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

355
Looking Good in Red

Posted 08 November 2013 - 12:25 PM

I love the edits! Great work with the RP sample, I like the added bits of character information you've managed to include, despite it being mostly an action scene. The fight scene is awesome! Great work!

As I said in Isaac's app, in my undeducated opinion, it seems like an arrow to the eye would likely pierce into the skull enough to kill even a pewterarm instantly. Pewterarms take longer to die, but an instant kill is an instant kill. That said, it is a small thing, so I think saying it is enough, and it doesn't change the rest of the character, or what you've managed to do here.

It also seems like the reason his parents didn't beat their children to test for allomancy seems a little weak. Since their mother is an allomancer, there is a good chance her children will be, no matter what type she is (Remember Straff Venture spread his allomancy to many of his illegitimate children with the intention of creating allomancers, even though he was only a tineye). Perhaps the father, since he doesn't have allomancy himself, disparages allomantic powers, believing them unnecessary and mostly useless in order to convince himself of his own competency. Maybe he did not intentionally snap his children to make a point. Or, perhaps, it just isn't the practice in the family. Or, maybe it's some other reason that you guys come up with. I'd just don't buy that a reasonable, and apparently ruthless noble like the boys' father would hesitate to beat his children to test for allomancy, when their mother was an allomancer herself.

Other than that issue, I'd say Eli, like his brother, is Approved, but I would like to see a better justification presented for why they boys weren't snapped in the traditional way. Good luck getting your second vote of approval! Thank-you for your patience, and sorry for the wait.

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#5 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 10 November 2013 - 05:41 PM

Alrighty, looks like it's my turn. Again, I'd like to say well done on your first MBI character. It's clear you guys have put a lot of thought and effort into these characters.

Like I mentioned on Isaac's app, while I understand why you didn't feel it made sense to write in the whole story behind the test they were subjected to, but I recommend adding it in for clarity's sake. While the actual RP is in third person limited PoV, sometimes a little omniscience is acceptable - and even encouraged - in character applications when it gives the reader a better picture of what actually happened. You can always make it clear what parts of the story the boys did and didn't know, of course.

That said, I'll be leaving this app unlocked for a little while in case you guys decide to put that in, but otherwise, you're Accepted! Happy RPing! :D

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