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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Talyn Calomine - Calomine Soother



29 replies to this topic

#21 Haelbarde

30
Acolyte

Posted 11 February 2014 - 07:44 AM

Okay, here's a draft with a slightly different history. I've also change the name to Aldyn, though that's subject to change. It's better than Suille though. It also has been changed a bit in the personality section to reflect the differing history, as well as some other suggestions that have been made.


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Aldyn Calomine
Noble Misting



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Name/Handle: Haelbarde
Contact: PM

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Name: Aldyn Calomine
Type: Noble
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Place of Origin: Calomine Plantation, Southern Dominance
Occupation:
Relationship Status: Single








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Type of Powers: Misting
Metals Used: Brass
Degree of Skill: Intermediate
Status: Hidden







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Aldyn could not be described as colorful. His skin is pale, and his hair dark. His eyes are blue, but very dark. He has a tight control on his emotions, leaving his face often expressionless, perhaps with a bit of a frown. He prefers not to be the center of attention, and dress as such, in neat black or grey suits. He's of average height, not being particularly tall, but neither short. He's sorta thin, but quite coordinated and nimble. Though proficient at masking his thoughts and his movements, the one thing that he can't hide is large ears that stick out of the side of his head. Any reference to them is sure to bring a frown.




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In a word, Aldyn is taciturn. Unlike his cousin Zella, he likes to hide in the shadows. He enjoy's the company of others, but is not a confident speaker, preferring to listen. As much as possible he'll think before speaking, so as to not rush in and embarrass himself.

He dislikes conflict, preferring to take the part of mediator, to calm things before a confrontation escalates. However, he values honor, and will defend his, or his House's honor when it is slighted by others..

Aldyn does not hate the Skaa quite as much his family. He views them as a tool, something that is useful when looked after, but easily discarded once its use is over. While he prefers not to kill them, he doesn't bother him either when Skaa are killed.
He has an extreme dislike of his cousins Silvan, from years of verbal abuse. The feeling is mutual, as Silvan is jealous of Aldyn's allomantic powers. This does not stop them working towards the common goal of bettering House Calomine's position, but they try to avoid each other when they can.

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Special Skills: Exceptional memory, and well practiced in burning brass.

Strengths: Nimble, and stealthy.

Weaknesses: Does not cope well under pressure, and gets quite anxious.






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Aldyn Calomine is the younger of the 2 sons born to Sirel Calomine in the latter part of 899. He grew up in the shadow of his brother Koen who, while barely his elder, was in his father's eyes perfect. In 906, at the age of 8, Koen had his Snapping Ceremony, in hopes that he would give House Calomine the allomancer it so desperately hoped for, but the process killed him. Sirel was devastated. In late 907, as it approached the time for Aldyn to also go through the Snapping Ceremony, he was given a brief reprieve when important business meant Sirel was absent, and the Ceremony delayed. However, Sirel never came back. As he was returning, he, with his brother Grynd and sister-in-law Zeldelle, were killed in a carriage accident in 908. With Sirel's wife having died a few years earlier, Aldyn, along with his cousins Zella and Silvan, where then brought up by their grandparents, Edarad and Issa, Edarad being the head of House Calomine.

This carriage accident resulted in Zella finally snapping. House Calomine finally had a allomancer. Feeling that maybe their fortunes had changed, they viciously beat Aldyn, who by this point was approaching 9 years old, who snapped, instantly knowing that he was a Soother when he used his new found ability to calm those beating him.

Silvan was understandably jealous, and tried to bully both Zella and Aldyn because of it, that is until she broke his nose for the second time. It was decided Zella would be trained to become the allomantic bodyguard for the heir, as though neither Tineyes or Soothers were ideal bodyguards, it was clear that when it came to combat, Zella was going to be the most gifted. Aldyn training, though intially the same with the acrobatics and basic weapon use, his focus differed, needing to live in a larger city to further train his Soothing ability. In 911, he was sent to Fadrex/Lansing City to stay train with a contact the family had there.



Needs something extra to bring to Luthadel

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(A scene from this character's viewpoint. Take care in picking a scene. It could be a scene from the past or it could happen practically during current events. In any case, write something important to the character so everyone can truly feel the character)</needs>

Edited by Haelbarde, 11 February 2014 - 01:13 PM.

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#22 MozytheHealer

92
Posse Member

Posted 11 February 2014 - 03:33 PM

Training in Fadrex city versus Luthadel does work. Maybe his mother isn't dead, but she doesn't take him away and is just over-protective? She didn't want to send him to Luthadel at first, so instead he was sent to Fadrex, but then it just became more important that he go to Luthadel maybe to help with negotiating stuff. Since they have a smoker, that is possible.

I'm legitimately just making stuff up, but hopefully it will help a bit?

PCs:

Delve, Silvan Calomine, Zella Calomine, Liss

Renette Deveaux, Marceline Dumont

Isabelle Sureau, Gisela Sureau,

Adalaide Getrue, Oliver Martel,

Grandell Tekiel, Yvette Valcier,

Katryn Domaille

WIPs:

Ranee, Delacey,

Theodoric Getrue, Kyl,

Vanessa Venture, Cedric Hallieau

Cordelia Morel, Kennith Fathvell

NPCs:

Issa Calomine, Randall Scanlan


#23 Tal Spektor

2
Skaa

Posted 11 February 2014 - 04:07 PM

I would say that the efforts to rise in Luthadel rank had just increased in the last month or so. Perhaps they decided Luthadel is the only important city, perhaps they now have fairly good, dependant, reliable, consistent, et cetera contacts in Fadrex. Perhaps Silvan has been having minor difficulties making sure that interhouse relations were frictionless, and needs some help smoothing things over.
Is an insane A.I.

#24 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 11 February 2014 - 06:02 PM

You have a good start so far! Here are a few questions about Aldyn that might help you flesh out his history a little more. :)

One thing you could maybe include is what sort of relationship he had with Koen, how Koen's death affected him personally, and how that carries over into the rest of his life. For example, did he think he was going to die like Koen when he was beaten? Has Calomine's deadly Snapping practice affected how he feels about his house?

In addition, going from a rural manor to a big city like Fadrex is a huge paradigm shift. How did Aldyn feel like this? Did he like Fadrex, or did he prefer the quiet provincial life? What is his living situation? This would also be where he learned the ways of the court and became a part of society - you say he prefers to hide in the shadows and doesn't do well with pressure, so how would that affect his having to go to balls, socialize, and so on? If he does like that sort of thing, you have a really interesting contrast there. If he doesn't, what would he rather be doing?

Last up in this episode of "KChan Asks a Million Questions About Your Character" is his training. What was that like? Did he have a good relationship with his teacher? Was it difficult for him to learn how to Soothe, or did it come to him more naturally? You mentions that he has weapons training. What kind of weapons? Is he good at this, and does he enjoy it? Does he duel, or is that too far outside his comfort zone?

That's it for the questions. I hope they help you discover more about your character! :) Just to close out, I spotted a sentence that doesn't quite make grammatical sense; perhaps you could clarify what you meant in your next draft:

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Aldyn training, though initially the same with the acrobatics and basic weapon use, his focus differed, needing to live in a larger city to further train his Soothing ability.

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#25 Haelbarde

30
Acolyte

Posted 11 February 2014 - 09:50 PM

I enjoy watching/listening to/reading "KChan Asks A Million Questions About Your Character". It's very useful! I can appreciate how discussing those questions will make the character feel a bit more real, but I would not have immediately thought to discuss them.

I think that sentence you point out was made in reference to the House Calomine and/or Zella Calomine applications. I'll fix that up for the next draft, and try to address those questions at the same time. I also think I'll be able to get a Roleplay Sample draft done now - I feel his history (the broad details) are sorted, and by fleshing him out in response to your questions, I should be sufficiently in his head to actual make an attempt at writing him.

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#26 MozytheHealer

92
Posse Member

Posted 11 February 2014 - 11:12 PM

If you need to use either of my characters in your RP sample, let me know. And you can use any of the Calomine NPC's.

PCs:

Delve, Silvan Calomine, Zella Calomine, Liss

Renette Deveaux, Marceline Dumont

Isabelle Sureau, Gisela Sureau,

Adalaide Getrue, Oliver Martel,

Grandell Tekiel, Yvette Valcier,

Katryn Domaille

WIPs:

Ranee, Delacey,

Theodoric Getrue, Kyl,

Vanessa Venture, Cedric Hallieau

Cordelia Morel, Kennith Fathvell

NPCs:

Issa Calomine, Randall Scanlan


#27 Haelbarde

30
Acolyte

Posted 12 February 2014 - 04:19 AM

I was thinking of setting the RP sample in Fadrex City, perhaps at a time leading up to moving to Luthadel. If you've got a cool idea that you reckon would play out well, I'd be happy for suggestions.

I suppose the main thing we have worked out yet is the relationship between my character and Zella. Obviously there's the mutual dislike of Silvan. I'd imagine they'd get on well enough, not that they've a great deal to do with each other for the last 6-7 years. In which case, a lot it would get worked out when they meet in Luthadel?

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#28 MozytheHealer

92
Posse Member

Posted 12 February 2014 - 04:31 AM

I have no ideas. I just say whatever pops into my head when it comes to ideas, and it often makes no sense.

Zella gets along with just about everyone, if she tries. She doesn't try with some people, but she will probably get along with him. I would assume that they have been corresponding at least a little bit since it was decided that he'd move to Luthadel. I would assume that as the two mistings of the family, they would have spent a lot of time together, and before that it is possible that because Silvan's such a jerk, they spent more time together in their young years of life. However, since she moved to Luthadel, they probably didn't talk much. She was busy getting to know Luthadel society.

PCs:

Delve, Silvan Calomine, Zella Calomine, Liss

Renette Deveaux, Marceline Dumont

Isabelle Sureau, Gisela Sureau,

Adalaide Getrue, Oliver Martel,

Grandell Tekiel, Yvette Valcier,

Katryn Domaille

WIPs:

Ranee, Delacey,

Theodoric Getrue, Kyl,

Vanessa Venture, Cedric Hallieau

Cordelia Morel, Kennith Fathvell

NPCs:

Issa Calomine, Randall Scanlan


#29 Haelbarde

30
Acolyte

Posted 12 February 2014 - 08:41 AM

EDIT

Okay, now I'm unsure. Which rule is worse to brake? Don't double post (and by extension, bump), or post a revision as a reply, rather than editing? So this is an edited response, so if you think you've read this before, its not quite the same.

A number of typos/grammatical things have been changed, a few re-wordings and re-phrasings. A few new lines in the RP sample. Small tweaks to the personality, history, and additional traits sections. Fixed some incorrect styling.

I'm feeling reasonably happy with it at this point. Over the next few days, I'll probably do a thorough proof read, and try to make it a bit more interesting to read. I feel that it may feel a bit dry at the moment.

I also think I'm finally settled on a name, which is good! I changed the thread name as a result.

Regarding the character profile, you can make that whenever? It'll just be marked pending until an Admin/Mod has approved a submitted application for the character?

================================================



Okay, here is another revision. This has added in a bit more detail in response to the suggestions made. Another name change. I'll work out something I'm happy with eventually :D

Also through in a first draft of a RP sample. Nothing amazing, but it fills the spot in. Not sure if it'd entirely make sense, but definitely needs to be expanded. Still, thought I'd add it in anyway.


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Talyn Calomine
Noble Misting



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Name/Handle: Haelbarde
Contact: PM

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Name: Talyn Calomine
Type: Noble
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Place of Origin: Calomine Plantation, Southern Dominance
Occupation: Luck Charm
Relationship Status: Single




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Type of Powers: Misting
Metals Used: Brass
Degree of Skill: Intermediate
Status: Hidden

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Talyn could not be described as colourful. His skin is pale, and his hair dark. His eyes are blue, but very dark. He has a tight control on his emotions, leaving his face often expressionless, perhaps with a bit of a frown. He prefers not to be the centre of attention, and dress as such, in neat black or grey suits. He's of average height, not being particularly tall, but neither short. He's sort of thin, but quite coordinated and nimble. Though proficient at masking his thoughts and his movements, the one thing that he can't hide is large ears that stick out of the side of his head. Any reference to them is sure to bring a frown.



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In a word, Talyn is taciturn. Unlike his cousin Zella, he likes to hide in the shadows. He enjoys the company of others, but is not a confident speaker, preferring to listen. As much as possible he'll think before speaking, so as to not rush in and embarrass himself. He dislikes conflict, preferring to take the part of mediator, to calm things before a confrontation escalates.

He feels a strong sense of duty to his family, though doesn’t have the same drive as his cousins. He values honour, and likes be seen as such. This two features only come into conflict when called upon to use his ability on those he deems worthy of respect. If called on to betray a friend so that the House might gain status, it would be a hard decision as to whether honour or duty is put first.

Talyn does not share all of his family’s views to quite the same degree. He disagrees with their policy on Snapping, though he understand why they are driven to do it. Neither does he hate the skaa as much. To him, they are a tool, something to be looked after and used, but easily discarded once its purpose is served. While he prefers not to kill them, neither is he bothered by their deaths.

He dislikes his cousin Silvan, having grown up on the receiving end of his tongue. His father also preferred Silvan over him, and would have rather have had Silvan as a second son. The dislike, however, is mutual, as Silvan is jealous of Talyn's allomantic powers. They tolerate each other but there is no love lost between them.In a word, Talyn is taciturn. Unlike his cousin Zella, he likes to hide in the shadows. He enjoys the company of others, but is not a confident speaker, preferring to listen. As much as possible he'll think before speaking, so as to not rush in and embarrass himself. He dislikes conflict, preferring to take the part of mediator, to calm things before a confrontation escalates.

He feels a strong sense of duty to his family, though doesn’t have the same drive as his cousins. He values honour, and likes be seen as such. This two features only come into conflict when called upon to use his ability on those he deems worthy of respect. If called on to betray a friend so that the House might gain status, it would be a hard decision as to whether honour or duty is put first.

Talyn does not share all of his family’s views to quite the same degree. He disagrees with their policy on Snapping, though he understand why they are driven to do it. Neither does he hate the skaa as much. To him, they are a tool, something to be looked after and used, but easily discarded once its purpose is served. While he prefers not to kill them, neither is he bothered by their deaths.

He dislikes his cousin Silvan, having grown up on the receiving end of his tongue. His father also preferred Silvan over him, and would have rather have had Silvan as a second son. The dislike, however, is mutual, as Silvan is jealous of Talyn's allomantic powers. They tolerate each other but there is no love lost between them.In a word, Talyn is taciturn. Unlike his cousin Zella, he likes to hide in the shadows. He enjoys the company of others, but is not a confident speaker, preferring to listen. As much as possible he'll think before speaking, so as to not rush in and embarrass himself. He dislikes conflict, preferring to take the part of mediator, to calm things before a confrontation escalates.

He feels a strong sense of duty to his family, though doesn’t have the same drive as his cousins. He values honour, and likes be seen as such. This two features only come into conflict when called upon to use his ability on those he deems worthy of respect. If called on to betray a friend so that the House might gain status, it would be a hard decision as to whether honour or duty is put first.

Talyn does not share all of his family’s views to quite the same degree. He disagrees with their policy on Snapping, though he understand why they are driven to do it. Neither does he hate the skaa as much. To him, they are a tool, something to be looked after and used, but easily discarded once its purpose is served. While he prefers not to kill them, neither is he bothered by their deaths.

He dislikes his cousin Silvan, having grown up on the receiving end of his tongue. His father also preferred Silvan over him, and would have rather have had Silvan as a second son. The dislike, however, is mutual, as Silvan is jealous of Talyn's allomantic powers. They tolerate each other but there is no love lost between them.In a word, Talyn is taciturn. Unlike his cousin Zella, he likes to hide in the shadows. He enjoys the company of others, but is not a confident speaker, preferring to listen. As much as possible he'll think before speaking, so as to not rush in and embarrass himself. He dislikes conflict, preferring to take the part of mediator, to calm things before a confrontation escalates.

He feels a strong sense of duty to his family, though doesn’t have the same drive as his cousins. He values honour, and likes be seen as such. This two features only come into conflict when called upon to use his ability on those he deems worthy of respect. If called on to betray a friend so that the House might gain status, it would be a hard decision as to whether honour or duty is put first.

Talyn does not share all of his family’s views to quite the same degree. He disagrees with their policy on Snapping, though he understand why they are driven to do it. Neither does he hate the skaa as much. To him, they are a tool, something to be looked after and used, but easily discarded once its purpose is served. While he prefers not to kill them, neither is he bothered by their deaths.

He dislikes his cousin Silvan, having grown up on the receiving end of his tongue. His father also preferred Silvan over him, and would have rather have had Silvan as a second son. The dislike, however, is mutual, as Silvan is jealous of Talyn's allomantic powers. They tolerate each other but there is no love lost between them.


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Special Skills: Exceptional memory, and well-practiced in burning brass. Stealth.

Strengths: Nimble, stealthy, good at mediating.

Weaknesses: Does not cope well under pressure, and gets quite anxious. Makes references and puns so obscure that most people just get confused.




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Talyn Calomine is the younger of the 2 sons born to Sirel Calomine in the latter part of 899. He grew up in the shadow of his brother Koen, who was a year and a half his elder, was in his father's eyes perfect. After their mother died in 905, Koen, following his father’s footsteps, was cruel, and without their mother to intervene, bullied his younger brother. In 906, at the age of 8, Koen had his Snapping Ceremony, in hopes that he would give House Calomine the allomancer it so desperately hoped for, but the process killed him. In some ways, it was a relief for Talyn, as now he no longer had to fear his elder brother. In late 907, as it approached the time for Talyn to also go through the Snapping Ceremony, he was given a brief reprieve when important business meant Sirel was absent, and the Ceremony delayed. However, Sirel never came back. As he was returning, he, with his brother Grynd and sister-in-law Zeldelle, were killed in a carriage accident in 908. Now with no family, Talyn, along with his cousins Zella and Silvan, where then brought up by their grandparents, Lord Edarad and Lady Issa of House Calomine.

This carriage accident resulted in Zella finally snapping. House Calomine finally had an allomancer. Feeling that maybe their fortunes had changed, they viciously beat Talyn, who by this point was approaching 9 years old. He was certain he was going to die, because even his brother, who had been bigger and strong, had not been able to survive. As he felt the end approach, something changed. The beating stopped. Those beating him were confused; they no longer felt the joy of inflicting pain, suddenly bored with the whole affair. Talyn had Snapped. He was a Soother.

Silvan was understandably jealous, and tried to bully both Zella and Talyn because of it, that is until she broke his nose for the second time. It was decided Zella would be trained to become the allomantic bodyguard for the heir, as though neither Tineyes or Soothers were ideal bodyguards, it was clear that when it came to combat, Zella was going to be the most gifted. Talyn received similar training, at least initially, with the acrobatics and basic weapon use. However, there was only so much he could learn in a small house with no other allomancer with his ability. He needed to live and train in a city, where he’d be able practice on a larger variety of people. In 911, he was sent to Fadrex City so that he could learn the ways of the court, as well as improve his skill with brass.

Fadrex was bigger, and louder, than anywhere he’d been before. His time here was divided between continuing to study, attending the social gatherings of the other nobles in the city and practicing his soothing (mainly on skaa, but on the nobles when he could get away with it). It took him awhile to start to enjoy the frequent balls. He wasn’t amazing at talking to others, and disliked not knowing whether or not others were trying to take advantage of him. Over time, he got to know a number of the other nobles well enough, and began to enjoy the events, but much preferred to listen and observe than interact with everyone or meet new people.


(Just for the sake of it, I quickly through up a timeline of House Calomine with all the mentioned dates across the 4 applications (this, Zella, Silvan and the House) for reference)
A Timeline of House Calomine:
792 – Teral Calomine marries Edre Valen
802 – Sera born to Teral and Edre
805 – Tellen born to Teral and Edre
820 – Edarad born to Teral and Edre
839 – Edre dies
Teral finds out that Edre had been skaa
844 – Teral dies
852 – Edarad marries Issa
865 – Sirel born to Edarad and Issa
871 – Grynd born to Edarad and Issa
895 – Grynd marries Zeldelle Tairette
896 – Silvan born to Grynd and Zeldelle
897 – Sirel marries
898 – Zella born to Grynd and Zeldelle.
Koen Calomine born to Sirel.
899 – Talyn Calomine born
905 – Sirel’s wife dies
906 – Koen’s Snapping Ceremony and death.
907 – Talyn’s 8th birthday
908 – Carriage accident kills Sirel, Grynd and Zeldelle.
Talyn, Zella and Silvan now brought up by Edarad and Issa.
Zella Snaps as a result of the accident
Talyn delayed Snapping Ceremony occurs a few months later
913 – Talyn moves to Fadrex City
Zella and Silvan move to Luthadel

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Keep Orielle loomed above. It was an impressive stone structure, with ornate glass windows. Talyn exited the carriage, pausing to look around. A number nobles talked in small groups, while others moved into the keep itself. He started to walk towards the waiting keep doors. He passed through the outer stone gate into the inner courtyard, followed by the steward he had been provided just the day before. Around the edges were neatly kept plant displays, much more intricate that anything they’d had back on the plantation. His palms were sweaty, and his stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself. Often he wished he could soothe himself, but burning brass didn’t work like that. He took a few deep breaths to try and calm his nerves. Why did I agree to come here, he wondered. He had arrived in Fadrex City only a few days ago, but had already been invited to a ball. From what he had heard, it was all the nobles did, that it was the place to be. He wasn’t looking forward to it one bit.

Talyn reach the main doors, where his steward presented his invitation to one of the two attendants on the door and organised a place to sit. As they entered through the pristine foyer, he couldn’t help being a bit overwhelmed. The main room was massive, with a large open area for dancers, with plenty space around the perimeter for people to sit and socialise. They were led by a serving boy to one of the smaller tables, where Talyn sat while his steward ordered his meal. From his seat, he was able to look around some more. So many people! His hands were still sweaty, and now, feeling hungry, his stomach didn’t feel much better. The meal arrived and he started to eat.

“Hey, you. You’re in my spot!” Talyn jumped to his feet, heart thumping loudly as he turned to look for origin of the voice. Approaching the table was tall blond nobleman who looked to be around seventeen, a few years his elder. “Your face was just then, my dear fellow, priceless!” The man said with a smile on his face. He proffered his hand. “Ardous Cett, at your service.” Talyn shook his hand. “Talyn Calomine, at yours.”

“New around here I suppose, if that response is anything to go by.” Talyn smiled and gave a nod, waiting for a few seconds to calm down a tad.

“Yes. I have only been here for a few days.” His reply was terse, doing his best not to stammer.

Ardous nodded, “That would explain why I’ve not seen you before.” He paused. “Are you passing through? Or will you be here for an extended period?”

“At least a year, maybe longer.” Another short response.

There was an extended silence.

Ardous raised an eyebrow. “You don’t say much, do you? Anyway, I’ve got people to catch, perhaps I will see you another time?”

“Perhaps.”

Ardous nodded and continued on his way to a group of other noblemen, presumably his friends. Talyn sat down with a sigh of relief, glad that the fellow had been joking, and didn’t hang around. His heart finally quietened down. He wasn’t sure what was worse, getting ignored in the large crowd of strange new people, or actually have people come to talk to him. He could never think clearly when he was nervous and talking to someone new, falling back on rehearsed responses. Breathing a deep breath to further calm himself, he returned to his meal.

Edited by Haelbarde, 13 February 2014 - 12:59 PM.

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#30 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 16 February 2014 - 12:22 AM

Since Talyn is accepted now, I'll be closing this topic. Thanks for using the workshop!

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