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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Vanessa Venture


4 replies to this topic

#1 Vanessa Venture


  • Leader of the Nevan Venture Fanclub

92
Posse Member
  • Age22

  • Relationship StatusMarried

Posted 12 May 2014 - 04:12 PM

The history is not as fleshed out as I would like it to be, but I still would like some feedback. Also, I'm not going to put him in the adoptable character's section, but if anyone wants to take Kenrick, I can promise you that the relationship will be fun to write, what with all the awkward and failing to get along that they do. :{D



VANESSA VENTURE
Noble



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Name/Handle: MOZY! :{D
Contact: PM is the prefered method, but there are others if you wish to inquire of them.


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Name: Vanessa Venture (nee Vautier)
Type: Noble
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Place of Origin:
Occupation: Nevan Venture’s biggest fangirl
Relationship Status: Married to Kenrick Venture


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Vanessa is a lovely woman with wavy blond hair that comes down past her shoulder-blades and dark blue eyes. She is slight, but tall, for which she is grateful, and holds herself with a spoiled, but graceful, demeanor. She is always poised, unless a certain young man is around, and then you can practically see the hearts floating above her head as she continually glances at him.

Though her face is expressive, she has learned how to school it so that she does not seem overly emotionally attached to anything, or anyone. Though she is generally spoiled, she is also ambitious, and so her appearance is almost always impeccable. She prefers light colors, and natural-looking makeup, but also always follows what is fashionable so as to not seem like she does not care.


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Vanessa Venture is a spoiled young lady who really, really doesn’t like her husband. Not that she’s ever tried to get to know him. She just assumes that she’ll hate him, and instead focuses all her energy to crushing on Nevan, for whom she has a giant crush. Over the past year and a half she has been realizing that sometimes you don’t get exactly what you want and dealing with that makes her very irritable. Because she is so adamant that if she did try to get to know her husband, she would hate him, she is also quite unhappy.

Usually, when not around her husband or Nevan, she is polite, a little disdainful, and ambitious. She has her quirks, which can be seen when she is having a good day. On a bad day she will complain about everything, in a way that says she assumes that it will be fixed because she complained about it. However, she is a good business woman, or was when she was a Vautier. She is good at politics, at any rate.

She dislikes dueling, or she assumes she does. She has not ever actually watched anyone duel. At first it was because she just wasn’t interested and now it is because her husband duels and so therefore she will probably not like it. She enjoys reading, to an extent, but mostly romance novels. Especially now that she is married. She likes to read them and pretend that someday she will wake up from this horrible dream where she is married and Nevan is courting and, in this fantasy world, they will live happily together forever.

However, underneath her silly, spoiled attitude is a highly ambitious, political young woman. For so long she wanted, desperately, to be of use to her father, and she had personal ambitions as well. She, of course, needed to marry well. She wanted to be in charge of something through her marriage, and she wanted to be rich. She wanted a position to go with her ambitious, spoiled attitude.


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Special Skills: (For example, things like Reading, Writing, Knife Fighting, Lying, Observation, etc.)

Strengths: (Try to make strengths and weaknesses relevant to your character. Try to tie them into your character's personality, experiences, relationships, etc.)

Weaknesses: (Make sure your character's strengths and weaknesses are balanced. Try to avoid talking up your character's strengths and downplaying their weaknesses. We all have flaws; it's what makes us human, and our characters feel real. This is a great place to make your character even more interesting.)


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Vanessa Venture was born as Vanessa Vautier in the year 896, to the decently happy, yet political, marriage of X Vautier and X Vautier. She was their only daughter, and her mother spoiled her rotten. Through her early childhood she got everything she asked for, as long as she was quiet and polite. She was good at being quiet and polite.

When she learned to read she found it rather boring, except for romance novels. Those were exciting. But everything else was just so tedious. How would anyone find all this philosophy and lessons interesting? However, she paid attention to her lessons. It was part of being a good girl, and when she was good, her mother gave her presents and everything else that she wanted. It was a pretty good tradeoff. Plus, her parents were happy when she was good. She was praised by her mother, and her father, if she was smart and quiet. However, she felt like her father was always working and it made her irritated. She wanted to spend more time with him. He was her father, wasn’t he? Why was he always holed up in his office in meetings?

Finally Vanessa asked her mother exactly that. “Why is father always in a meeting?” She asked, when she was seven.

“Your father is busy running the House.” Was all her mother said in reply.

“But I never even see him talk to you. So what’s he doing in there that is so important that I never get to talk to him?” Vanessa was really quite put out about it.

“Vanessa, stop complaining. I have answered your question. Someday perhaps you will get to spend more time with him, but right now, he does not have time for other things.” Her mother sounded irritated and Vanessa sighed and pouted. “Now, read that book I gave you. If you get good at politics, perhaps your father will want to spend more time with you.”

“He is my father. He should always want to spend time with me.” Vanessa’s mother just gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. “Yes, mother.” Vanessa said in a huffy tone, reluctantly picking up the book she had been given.

She was not expecting it when she was taken for her Snapping. Up until then no one had ever laid a finger on her, and Vanessa had made sure to never do anything dangerous enough to get hurt. She had never broken any bones, or scrapes. The worst injuries she had ever had were all minor bruises. In the entire eight years of her life, she had never thought she would ever be in so much pain, or that anyone would ever have reason to beat her.

So when she was taken she had no idea what was going on. She knew that somehow she would Snap, but she had never in her life expected it would be like this. She was confused, and tired, as the forced her to drink a strange drink with floating bits of something in it. And then they started beating her. Vanessa screamed immediately, and she didn’t stop screaming until she passed out.

When she awoke she found out that it had been to see if she would Snap, and she was, unfortunately, not an Allomancer. She could see that it disappointed her parents, and she resolved to prove to them that she was still capable of something, even though she was not an Allomancer. She began to pay more attention to her lessons, even more ambitious than ever, and made sure to always do as her parents asked.

Eventually, when she was twelve, her father began to teach her personally. She was not his heir, as that was given to her younger brother, but she could still be a businesswoman for the House. At least, until she was married off, and even then, she wanted to marry someone high up, with ambition, and so wanted to be able to manage a business, and, she hoped, a House. However, even at twelve she knew that was unlikely.

This was harder than her usual lessons, and much more boring. She helped her father with stacks and stacks of paperwork, and he let her sit in on meetings, if the other people did not mind. But mostly he just made her organize his papers. It was okay. She did not mind. She was getting better. Someday she would be of real help, and would get something more out of it. Because really, she just wanted to be in charge.

It took a while for her father to get to a point where he trusted Vanessa with actual work. When she was fourteen he set her to going through ledgers and told her to ask him if she had any questions. At first she was excited. Finally she got to help her father for real!

Fifteen minutes she was less excited. This was boring. Even more boring than sorting through stuff. She began to sigh, wishing her father would hear her and take the papers away. Finally he looked up at her. “Is something wrong, Vanessa.”

“This is boring, Father.” She said, in tones of great agony.

“If you do not wish to help me, I am sure your mother can find something for you to do.” Her father replied, obviously not realizing that anything Vanessa’s mother had for her to do was even more boring.

“Can’t you give me something else to do, father?” Vanessa complained, sighing.

“This is what I need help with. If you do not wish to help, you do not have to.”

“I want to help, but this is agonizingly terrible.” Vanessa sighed again and looked down at the papers. “I will endure for a little while longer…”

Vanessa lived through the paperwork and debuted when she was fifteen. She was ecstatic about it. Finally she got to meet people! She could make contacts and further her own ambition. It took a few balls for her to figure out exactly what was a good subject of conversation, and what to avoid, but when she did she found herself a group of friends and they gossiped about everything.

When she was not with her friends, she was working. As the years passed she grew more competent with both social interactions and her work, and was instated in an actual position, with a title and everything. It made her feel like she was actually getting somewhere. She still had ambitions, particularly for who she married. She had met a few handsome men, but she really wanted to marry someone as high up as she could get. Perhaps even a Venture.

She finally got a chance to mention it when she was twenty. Her parents were talking about her options, and though she had courted a few men, it was not a big deal to her who she married as long as they were ambitious and rich. Finally she spoke up. “What about a Venture? There are plenty of single Venture men that would not be too out of my reach.” She said, even though they had not been paying any attention to her.

“That is one of the things we have been talking about, lately.” Her mother said with a smile. “You are so ambitious, so perhaps a high-ranking husband would do you some good.”

Was her mother trying to imply that Vanessa was too ambitious?


Vanessa found out the name of her betrothed she set up a time to meet him, only to be severly disappointed. Kenrick Venture was definitely not who she had had in mind when she suggested marrying a Venture. He was an unambitious duelist who wasn’t even in the main family line! Ugh! Of course, she had not expected anyone quite as handsome as Lord Nevan, but a girl could dream.

So, of course, she instantly decided that they obviously had nothing in common and she would be miserable for the rest of her life.

The next few months passed uneventfully, with Vanessa simultaneously complaining about her lot in life and thinking about Nevan. Oh how she would have loved to be engaged to him. Not only would it fulfil her ambition, but any woman who did not want Nevan Venture was obviously not right in the head. Kenrick kept trying to get her to come watch him duel, but she refused. Obviously dueling was an uninteresting sport and the only reason she would ever go watch a duel would be if Lord Nevan invited her.

Finally the wedding night came and she was at least happy about part of it. At least Kenrick was attractive, in a way. The next morning he seemed happy, though she couldn’t see why, but the next night he was irritated about something. She didn’t ask, though. She was married now. Married for good. It was terrible.

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Vanessa was, for some reason, back in her family’s manor in Fellise. There was a knock on the door, and after a minute and the door was still not answered, she sighed. The servants should be better than this. She would have to talk to her family about getting new servants. She walked down the stairs to the door, opening it slowly, wondering who it was. Was anyone supposed to be coming around at this time?

She froze.

And her brain went into overdrive.

Lord Nevan. Lord Nevan was here. Lord Nevan was here and he was looking a little expectant, and he was here. In front of her. “Lord Nevan! Welcome! I am sorry you were kept waiting, the servants must not have heard the door.”

What was he even saying in reply? She didn’t know. She was too busy watching him talk to her. Lord Nevan was really talking to her. He was so sweet……

He put his arm around her waist.

What even was this?

She didn’t know but it was wonderful.

He pulled her closer and bent her into a dip. Was he going to kiss herrrrrr??????

“Vanessaaaaa. Whatcha dreaming about?”

Vanessa blinked her eyes open to the sight of her husband, laying on his side and propped up on one arm. He was smiling at her.

“Damn you.” She muttered,

Edited by MozytheHealer, 12 May 2014 - 04:12 PM.


#2 Haelbarde

30
Acolyte

Posted 13 May 2014 - 10:52 PM

Appears to be well written for the most part. The sentence 'Vanessa found out the name of her betrothed she set up a time to meet him but was severely disappointed.' Doesn't quite make sense - 'betrothed she' doesn't make sense, and also with the meeting, it sounds like she personally invites him to meet her but doesn't find out who he is till she meets him, even though she had to tell servants to deliver a message to him.

I guess the other thing would be that it would maybe be nice to see a bit more of what she's like when too busy to think about Nevan, as I assume not every post will be 'TLR! Nevan is... Super!' That would only be most of the time.

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#3 MozytheHealer

92
Posse Member

Posted 14 May 2014 - 12:17 AM

By unfinished I mean exactly what you noticed. I haven't written the end of that scene and the transition to the other stuff. I also haven't written the end of her RP sample, since I kinda want a Kenrick before I do that(and that will get some Nevan-free thought process going :{D )

PCs:

Delve, Silvan Calomine, Zella Calomine, Liss

Renette Deveaux, Marceline Dumont

Isabelle Sureau, Gisela Sureau,

Adalaide Getrue, Oliver Martel,

Grandell Tekiel, Yvette Valcier,

Katryn Domaille

WIPs:

Ranee, Delacey,

Theodoric Getrue, Kyl,

Vanessa Venture, Cedric Hallieau

Cordelia Morel, Kennith Fathvell

NPCs:

Issa Calomine, Randall Scanlan


#4 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 24 May 2014 - 08:17 PM

I LOVE HER!

She's quite funny, and I like how you are fleshing out. It would be nice to see some more non-dream interaction in the sample, perhaps without Nevan around (to echo Haelbaerde). Having said that, the sample as is made me laugh out loud, so good work :).

I'm also assuming you okayed the use of Vautier with KChan. It's not entirely clear if Vanessa's father is lord or not, but she's prominent enough to need the house leader's permission I'd think. Given her connection to Nevan though, it seems obvious that you and KChan are already in communication.

Also, did you get some inspiration for a certain paragraph from this? Not sure if you had read that or not, but the construction reminded me of it.

While I love loveless marriages, I think I have enough on the go at the moment, meaning I probably shouldn't take Kenrick. I'm also curious to see how Vanessa reacts to Camille.

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#5 MozytheHealer

92
Posse Member

Posted 24 May 2014 - 10:04 PM

Vanessa will be the most jealous of Camille. Seriously. Her jealousy knows no bounds.

I'm operating under the assumption that her father is house lord. I've talked to KChan, and that was kinda what we agreed on, for the most part. However, there's still definitely some stuff that I need to write, so that will probably be more clear in a later draft.

I didn't actually noticed the similar paragraph. That's pretty awesome. :{D

Sadness. I am sure someone will have the time to pick up Kenrick.

Edited by MozytheHealer, 24 May 2014 - 11:07 PM.

PCs:

Delve, Silvan Calomine, Zella Calomine, Liss

Renette Deveaux, Marceline Dumont

Isabelle Sureau, Gisela Sureau,

Adalaide Getrue, Oliver Martel,

Grandell Tekiel, Yvette Valcier,

Katryn Domaille

WIPs:

Ranee, Delacey,

Theodoric Getrue, Kyl,

Vanessa Venture, Cedric Hallieau

Cordelia Morel, Kennith Fathvell

NPCs:

Issa Calomine, Randall Scanlan






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