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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Gwenta, Skaa Pewterarm


7 replies to this topic

#1 Larocque

1
Skaa

Posted 06 September 2016 - 01:51 AM

Gwenta
Skaa Pewterarm


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Name/Handle: Larocque
Contact: Forums via private messages

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Name: Gwenta
Type: Skaa Pewterarm
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Place of Origin: Industrial District, Luthadel
Occupation: Thief
Relationship Status: Single

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Type of Powers: Misting
Metals Used: Pewter
Degree of Skill: Novice
Status: Known to slum skaa

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Gwenta stands at approximately five feet six inches and weighs a little under one hundred and twenty pounds. She has thick black hair that, should it not be tied up, falls barely beyond breast level and deep forest green eyes. Her complexion, should it have moments where debris isn't clinging to it like a child would his mother, is pale and her lips are more beige than they are pink. She is often found in green trousers with elastic hems, a white, tucked in shirt, and her hair is usually swept up under a matching green and grey cap. She also wears a brown jacket. The majority of her clothing is stained by soot and dirt. She has the body of a woman, a trait which differs between good and bad in the streets where she lives.

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Gwenta is very nonchalant and charismatic. She has a tendency to take things a little less seriously than they should be taken but, despite this, she often overestimates herself and her abilities, whether she is utilizing pewter or not. Gwenta has a humorous charm about her that can make the common at ease but the esteemed irritated. She is cordial, but she lacks professionalism from her time in the streets. Gwenta is competitive and eager. Her ambitions are often temporary and she tends to cast them aside, leaving her relatively lost in life for the majority of the time and, as a subsequent result, rather impulsive and unable to plan into the future, even in cases where it may jeopardize the well-being of others. Gwenta is an adventurous, incredibly daring insomniac.

Gwenta has a problem with nearly everyone who uses the mental metals, though her main quarrels stem from Rioters and Soothers. Despite being a Pewterarm, Gwenta is not confrontation and thoroughly, disliking and not being good at fighting and instead preferring to use her Allomancy for speed and agility. A lot of her confidence revolves around her pewter supply, and thus she desperately seeks out pewter and even goes to extreme lengths to obtain more regardless of her current stockpile.

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Special Skills: Agility, balance, dexterity, cunning, pewter dragging, thievery, charisma

Strengths: Gwenta is outgoing and charismatic. She has a sharp and witty sense of humor. Gwenta has a strong feel for what is right and what is fair. Gwenta is incredibly agile, flexible and well-balanced. As a subsequent result of all of her exercise, she is not only very active but very healthy and has a strong constitution.

Weaknesses: Gwenta has had minimal training as far as fighting goes and has not been trained by a fellow Allomancer, thus her skills dwindle in comparison to experienced ones. She has a grudge for users of mental Allomancy, specifically Rioters and Soothers. She is an insomniac.

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Gwenta is the only daughter of Jona, a simple skaa, and a minor nobleman by the name of Lord Harvond Tharvel. After escaping during a coincidental uproar in the noble's workshop, Jona fled to the Industrial District of Luthadel with her husband, Corris, and two twin sons, Farnon and Rel. It would be nine months later that she gave birth to her daughter, Gwenta, in the golden year of 900.

Despite knowing that Gwenta was not his biological daughter, Corris raised her as if she were his own and comforted his wife when the trauma of being kidnapped, raped and nearly killed proved overwhelming. The pair kept Gwenta's heritage a secret, not only from her but from their sons as well. However, as Gwenta matured with her father's black hair and green eyes, it became harder and harder for Jona to cope. By the time Gwenta was eight, Corris had heard that the Lord Harvond Tharvel's son had been put in charge of the family workshop for the time being and thus sent his wife back there until she was mentally stable again.

Not without making the woman unappealing for the new young lord, however.

It was on the second last eve of her stay that Corris had cut off Jona's hair, had rubbed ashe all over her skin, and then had pressed a hot iron bar to against the right side of her face so that a permanent scar may deter any lustful lackies from his wife. Gwenta was initially sent to her room, however she and her brothers snuck out despite her father's demand to spectate the merciful brutality. It was there that she Snapped. Despite Jona having consented to the maiming, Gwenta still zipped down the stairs with a speed Corris had never before seen and punched her father in the gut with a strength he had never before felt. The burning was drawn to a halt as Corris fell unconscious and Jona looked between her husband and her daughter in horror. From the top of the stairs, seven-year-olds Farn and Rel took in a pair of sharp and simultaneous gasps.

Jona was not sent off and Corris recovered from his wound eventually. Gwenta turned her attention towards trying to teach her brothers how she had did what she did, but it was only a matter of time before she understood that she was unique among the trio. Instead, she resorted to competitiveness and games—each and every aspect of her enhanced attributes served like a buffet for victory, one which she found irresistable, even if it resulted in her brothers often squawking of cheating and unfairness.

Gwenta grew up under the education and guidance of Corris once he had realized what she was. Though he was no Allomancer himself, he had heard enough rumors and fables to be able to provide his daughter with what he would say is sufficient information on her "gift". Corris had hoped Gwenta would apply her abilities in favor of protecting their family, but unfortunately for him, Gwenta found more excitement out on the streets causing a commotion than she did waiting for nothing to happen. She now uses her Allomancy underground in the slums in situations where it will favor her coin, her family, or her entertainment.

Around the time of her sixteenth birthday, Gwenta came into contact with a boy named Cache via losing a bet to him which costed her half of her pewter supply. Though Cache was ecstatic about his victory, he declined the metal, claiming that he had mistaken it for tin instead. A rivalry sparked between the competitive pair, but over the course of several months, Gwenta interacted with Cache further and further and the competition they once had evolved into a near friendship. Once Gwenta had earned Cache's trust, he introduced her to a small clique consisting of fellow skaa and a Tineye which sought to make the lives of other skaa easier. She was immediately drawn into it and has remained involved with the small group.

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The mist danced around her, just the way she liked it.

Gwenta had been used to it for about seven months now. At first, as most skaa, she had heard the stories of the mistwraiths—the creatures which stole faces and bodies and all bar the soul, except maybe that, too—but she had overcome the fears installed in her since birth over the course of about a week.

That first week, the week where she was abandoned on the streets after she Snapped. Father had to punish me somehow, she had thought on occasion. It was not like he could beat the rebel out of me.

Still, she held no resentment towards Corris for his means of disciplining his only daughter. In fact, she thanked him for forcing her to familiarize her with the spinning ash, though she was sure that wasn't his intention when he forced her out of the house the minute he regained consciousness. Besides, she was certain Rel and Farn must have received the same treatment at some point in their lives, though she, in her now eight years of being a Thug, figured it had to have been for something other than using pewter-enhanced strength to nigh capsize the stomach of their father.

She ran along the top of the stone wall of a fence, her pathway only foretold by her familiarity with her surroundings and her route. As she zipped onwards, her hair waved like a jet black flag behind her and her forest green eyes squinted to brace them for the mist clusters she dove into.

Eventually, the stone came to an end and she instinctively flew off of it and onto the side of a building. Her elbow hit first, but a flare of pewter prevented her from feeling it for the time being. She'd have time to relax when she got there. Besides, what came next was always her favorite part—the way she watched the ash part to make room for the oncoming traffic of her body made her feel respected, like the little specks were soldiers making way for a noble.

Or a ruler.

She slid down the building. One, two, three, four, five, she counted, and on the last number her dominant foot fell against a stone ledge. She burned pewter and flew across about three meters to the open window horizontal from her, and her left hand expertly grabbed onto its sill. A last burst of pewter in her left bicep gave her the strength to heave herself up and into the building.

"And that, my friend, is how he got away from a Casuana Mistborn," a man said. The table howled with laughter—it consisted of three men, excluding the speaker. Gwenta's black line of a left brow rose as she climbed into the hallway, shaking off her ash-stained coat.

"Ah, did I miss another good one, Cache?" Gwenta asked while she strode into the room and hung that brown-blotched-grey jacket onto a nearby rack. Cache, a man who looked no older than eighteen if even that, fluffed some orange hair from his brown eyes and looked over his shoulder. One of his arms hanged off the back of the chair as he addressed her.

"I was just saying how my best friend Arnet got away from Jayob Casuana," Cache explained with a grin. He curled the knuckles of one hand and eyed his nails like a proud noble would, which inspired a giggle from a brown-haired, brown-eyed, tanned lad adjacent to him. "You do know of him, yes? He is the, um, main House Casuana Mistborn."

If it wasn't the stutter and the name that added spices of unbelievable to the story, then it was, well, the story. Gwenta could only stare at Cache, that eyebrow staying up and the beginnings of a smirk lifting her lips.

"Let it be known," cooed that snickering brown-hair boy. "That skaa are more agile than Mistborns! By, I'll go tell the Lord Ruler myself right now!" An onslaught of laughter came after his words, and the man patted his hand on Cache's shoulder in the midst of his chuckles. Cache pouted and swatted his hand away.

"Whatever, Ben," grumbled Cache. Gwenta laughed and slid into a chair at Ludorben's side while she shook the ash from her hair.

"I found the place," Gwenta said. "We deliver all forty pieces over to..." She dragged the word as she picked up a fork from the table and flung it at a nearby map on the wall. "There," Gwenta said as the fork stuck into an area near the northern end of the Industrial District.

Ludorben nodded. "Sounds good," he said with a shrug. "When do we gotta get them there by?"

"They're short thirty-two," Gwenta explained as she faced forward, green eyes dribbling between the men. Her elbow finally begun to sting, and so she rubbed it for the time being. "Lord Javenhaul's still got some elderly trying to make ends meet for their families. If they miss the quota and his men beat them as bad as they did last week, they won't live through the night."

A smug-looking lad with dirty blonde hair leaned forward and adjusted his circular glasses while viewing the map. "Simple enough," he observed. "Why do we need the extra pieces though?"

Gwenta shrugged. "We'll tell Kars to say they made extra to appease their lord; it'll be compensation for last week, from them to him."

"I can't imagine it would bend his mood any less," that same boy said after as he folded his arms and leaned back. He kicked his feet up on the table and crossed them by the ankles.

"Well, Gil," Gwenta said as she turned to face Gilfor. "I think a neutral mood is better than a bad mood."

"I doubt he'd risk killing half his workers over a few pieces of cloth," Cache said.

"The elders promised that they can still work, and so long as they live up to that then Javenhaul doesn't have much room to complain," Gwenta explained.

"Seems like they aren't doing that, though," the last boy finally spoke. He had hair just a few shades lighter than Gwenta's, but his eyes were blue as what a river should be. He always had a strange aura about him, something akin to a vigilante or guardian, though he looked to be Gwenta's age.

"Veer's got a point," Ben said, nodding over to Veer. He spoke with reluctance, as if he would've rather the words stay in his mouth. "We can't help them out every week, Gwen. Eventually they need to do something about it themselves. Other people need our help, too." Gwenta snorted in response.

"Who do you think made this silk? Me?" Gwenta began, jamming an ashy thumb into the center of her chest as both of her brows perked. "I had a few skaa from a place east help me out this time, and it turns out they aren't making as much as Javenhaul's skaa are. Seeing as he's looking for an excuse to get rid of all those old skaa he's got working for him, if we move out the elderly and replace them with this optimistic bunch then he won't even care enough to investigate."

"Then what will the elderly do without work?" Cache asked.

"They still have their families," Gwenta replied with a smile. "Though granted it will be a bit harder on them to work, a good pile of them have children that need watching, or house tasks that need doing. The skaa are old, but they aren't old enough to not contribute. Their families will take care of them, and if they have to die, then they'll die surrounded by people they love and not at the hand of some bigot lord."

Ben and Veer exchanged looks. Cache shrugged and leaned back. Gilfor fixed his glasses a last time and nodded.

"Alright, sure," Veer finally said. The others agreed in one way or another, and Gwenta immediately stood up, bearing the biggest of smiles.

She rubbed her hands together. "Veer, you sit on the ground outside of the shop like some sort of homeless beggar skaa. Ring a bell if someone is coming and Gil'll be able to hear it and warn us. Ben, you, me and Gil will get in through a window and I'll drop off the silk. Cache, meet with Kars at the back and let him know that we're going in now."

"Now?" Gil said with wide eyes. "You already had this planned without consulting us?"

"Yes," Gwenta said with a smile. "Just in case anyone here had the wits to say no. Come on."

Edited by Larocque, 04 October 2016 - 02:05 AM.


#2 Comatose


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329
House Fathvell

Posted 11 September 2016 - 06:07 PM

Great work with this. The writing is very good, and the application was all filled out correctly, so good job.

One concern I have is with Gwenta's knowledge and familiarity with allomancy. In the first book, Vin mentions how the underground is divided, with allomantic thieving crews being the upper crust that function separately from the lower down thieving crews. The allomantic thieving crews would be high risk, high reward type crews, like Kelsier's, that would be living in luxury compared to most skaa. I'd like to have some explanation, either in the application itself, or from you directly, about where Gwenta gained her knowledge of allomancy. If it's her father, how did Corris, a seemingly regular working skaa, gain that knowledge?

Now, Gwenta's group of vigilante's is concerning both because of their age, and because of their relative lack of resources. In the underground, young people with their skills would either get caught by the Obligators, or, if their skills are noticed by the right people, recruited into a high-end crew. You haven't given us a lot of detail about them, so maybe this works, but I'm not sure how a group of allomantically powered teenagers would find each other and found their little organization. If you have an explanation for it, then we can workshop it and make it work, but I'd like a few more details about how it started, how they survive from the ministry, and how whoever did the recruiting discovered enough about allomancy to know how to track young allomancers down. The information isn't readily available to skaa--remember, even though Vin had heard about Allomancy, she didn't realize her powers were allomantic in nature.

The beating-black-and-blue bit in the history sounded a little forced to me as well. I understand the need to mar Jona's beauty, but wouldn't a few quick blows to the face suffice? Or maybe a more severe facial wound, like a burn or cut, that would scar? It just seems out of character for Corris to beat his wife so severely in an effort to protect her, when less harmful options are available. Also, it would be nice to see Jona taking some action in the plan as well, or at least agreeing to it as a necessity. However, if your intention was for Corris to be abusive beyond what he thinks necessary to protect his family, then I feel like that needs to be more clear. You hint at it with him leaving Gwenta out in the mists, but I wasn't sure. If he was using the disfiguration as an excuse, but was really just taking out his frustration and giving in to violent tendencies, then that might make more sense.

Lastly, this is a small thing, but I don't think being healthy protects you from being poisoned by pewter. The lead in it is equally poisonous to healthy and non-healthy people. While a healthy person might be able to shrug off the effects easier, it would still take a toll, and regular exposure would result in deteriorating health. I guess burning the pewter would help with recovery, but over time the habit would take an effect and could cause lasting damage. A quick wikipedia search tells me that lead poisining primarily damages the nervous system, so it would start impacting her reflexes and motor function over time. In the books, I know Zane leaves his metals ingested over night, but he's kind of insane, and isn't much of a future-thinker.

Like I said, the application is very well put together, and I like the character already. I just want to make sure that her circumstances are well thought out and compatible with the canon we are building here before getting started. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns about my comments, or if you want help integrating Gwenta into some existing plotlines. My character Klyde is starting a thieving crew of his own right now, and Night runs a very well established drug smuggling operation. Both of these crew leaders would be familiar with allomancy and looking to recruit. Daphne and Valerre are both members of the rebellion, so if you'd like Gwenta to be rebel, that could be an option as well.

Thanks for your contribution and interest!

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#3 Larocque

1
Skaa

Posted 23 September 2016 - 07:07 PM

Thanks a bunch for the in-depth reply, I'm working on some edits at the moment!

To address the first point, I'm currently nerfing the abilities of other members of the thieving crew. Here are the private summary notes I have as far as relationships and Allomancy go:

Gilfor - Tineye
Ludorben - Coinshot
Veer - Skaa
Cache - Lurcher
Gwenta - Pewterarm

I was trying to mix and make some variety, but now I can see that that would be pretty overpowered and uncommon, so I'm going to make everyone in the crew a skaa except for Gilfor. I'll also be editing the story a bit too and change the fake interaction Cache had with a Mistborn to a rumor of an interaction one of his "close friends" had with a Mistborn which, of course, will be fake as well.

I had figured during my reading of the book that the vials and consumption of metal were relatively public enough knowledge. Remember that Vin is/was a reclusive, shy, and very loner-type character during the time where she knew nothing about Allomancy, whereas this character is sociable, outgoing and charismatic. As far as actually learning Allomancy goes, she has not had any proper training in it, so her reserves are small as far as she is aware and, though she is agile and flexible, it is something more akin to slightly enhanced parkour than actual allomancy, if you get what I'm saying.

Corris educated her in the bare basics of it, but even he did not have anything positive or useful for an Allomancer in his arsenal of knowledge--since he's a skaa, his information revolved around warnings, scoldings, and fear more than it was actually educating, though snippets of that was incorporated too as we see in the history. This all ties into why her skills with Allomancy are minimal at best and not used for anything outside of running fast or jumping around.

The intentions Corris had were to ruin her from a physical standpoint and it was consensual. A burn sounds a lot more interesting however, so I think I'm going to edit it to Corris holding down his wife and burning her face, which Gwenta would see and thereafter Snap to.

After Gwenta attacked him, he left her out in the streets for a week as punishment--a combination of fear of her and not really knowing how to discipline a would-be Allomancer.

I'm gonna remove that leaving pewter in her system thing after doing research myself, thanks for pointing that out.

Again, I plan on this character being weak, not to mention she cannot fight at all. She is untrained but has some high dexterity going on and is very adventurous and agile.

If you spot anymore issues please let me know! Thanks again for reviewing all of this stuff and sorry for the late reply, I was a bit tied in with school.

Edited by Larocque, 23 September 2016 - 07:10 PM.


#4 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

329
House Fathvell

Posted 24 September 2016 - 01:54 AM

No worries! Work has been crazy this week for me, so I wouldn't have had time to read your response until now anyways.

I like the edits, but will wait to comment further until I've had a chance to read over the new applicaiton. Did you already edit the changes into the original post. As a side note, while we encourage people to edit in the application section to keep things streamlined, in the Workshop we prefer for people to repost subsequent versions of applications so that readers can see the changes and improvements and trace how feedback is incorporated. If you've already done your edits to the main post this time, that's fine, but keep it in mind for next time.

Thanks for working on this, and glad to see the character developing.

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#5 Larocque

1
Skaa

Posted 24 September 2016 - 10:26 PM

Ah, back at my old roleplay we preferred for people to edit their topic as per to not spam a topic with replies, my bad. I'll be sure to repost later, but I have made edits to the story.

#6 Larocque

1
Skaa

Posted 05 October 2016 - 07:56 PM

Finished my edits a while ago for whoever is free, hope you enjoy the read.

#7 Larocque

1
Skaa

Posted 29 March 2017 - 10:17 PM

Been a few months...anyone checking this?

#8 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

329
House Fathvell

Posted 30 March 2017 - 08:29 PM

Thanks for checking back Larocque. I don't know how I missed this.

The application is good construction wise, and I only have two world concerns.

(1) The father's knowledge of allomancy - He needs at least some sort of underworld connection, or other exposure to allomancy, I think, to know as much as he does. In the books, most skaa have heard of "allomancy magics" but wouldn't know specifics. Even if they know power portfolios you would need to explain how they know which metal matches with which power, and how they know which ratio makes the correct pewter alloy to fuel allomancy. This leads me to my second question.

(2) How is Gwenta getting her pewter and where does she get the money for it? Vin used the pewter she got from using dining utensils in small bursts to survive beatings, but these reserves took a long time to build up and were used up quickly. If Gwenta is regularly infesting pewter, instead of just using residual, she either needs a source of allomantic pewter or how to find it herself, or she would be making herself sick (see Kelsier's description of improperly mixed alloys in book one).

If you clear up those items, I think you would be ready to apply to the admins for your two approval votes.

Hope that helps. Let me know if you have any questions and sorry for the wait. We are still quite active on discord and do check the site fairly regularly, so if we are missing your topic you can always PM us or bother us on discord :). Sometimes I think we forget to scroll to the bottom of the page, or view something quickly and then forget to respond.

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