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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Karnadrin - Obligator (Canton of Orthodoxy)

1 reply to this topic

#1 Gargoyle


Posted 19 March 2018 - 05:21 PM

Karnadrin Terveral

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Name: Gargoyle
Contact: [email protected]

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Name: Karnadrin Terveral
Type: Obligator
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Place of Origin: Western Dominance
Occupation: Priest at the Canton of Orthodoxy
Relationship Status: None

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You see a man striding towards you through the mists, completely unafraid. As he approaches, you begin to make out his appearance in greater detail:his black robes, his bald head. A Ministry man. You hide in fear-no skaa should be out at this time of night, not with the curfew in place. As he passes, you see the distinctive tattoos on his face, the swirling patterns marking him as a middle-to-senior ranking member of the Canton of Orthodoxy.

Just as he is passing, you take an involuntary step back, and trip on a broom left half buried in the ash. You turn to flee, knowing that those yellow eyes and that voice, high but strong, will haunt your dreams, an escape far too close for anyone's liking...

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No one who has spoken with Karnadrin for any length will deny:he is a man with a drive. While many consider his sermons overly harsh and his dogmatic, almost blind obedience more so, none can doubt his unerring devotion to his Lord Ruler and the divine creed of Purity of the Blood. No one, man or woman, lord of a great house or youngest son of an inconsequential noble, who has defiled themselves upon the beasts known as the skaa, is welcomed to attend his lengthy sermons. Young obligators learn quickly that no indiscretion is permitted, and that those he catches are almost invariably reassigned well away from the comforts of Luthadel...

Karnadrin also enjoys fine wine, religious opera, and long walks along the canals. Luxury is not a sin, simply the just reward of a righteous servant of his immortal master, the Lord Ruler. Likewise, such a faithful devotee need not fear the dark, nor the mists: such are gifts of the Father to those worthy of his blessings. Only fools and unbelievers would view it differently.

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Special Skills: Karnadrin Terveral tells one rusting good sermon. That, combined with an almost unnatural nose for falsehood made him the bane of naughty children and lazy obligators alike.

Strengths: Karnadrin is a gifted orator and speachwriter. He has a vast memory, and knows the intricacies of his doctrine like few others. He is also in remarkable shape for a man of his age; though not on the same level as many younger men, a combination of strict discipline and daily duelling cane routines has kept him ahead of any of the more spoiled scions to step foot in his parish

Weaknesses: Single-minded devotion always comes at a cost, and Karnadrin Terveral is no exception. While almost disturbingly aware of the sexual escapades of the upper crust, he is rather oblivious to any form of politics, Ministry or noble. He also is a difficult man to get to know, and even harder to get to know personally. His piercing, accusatory gaze certainly does not help matters.
Another weakness, shared by most nobility but particularly exemplified by Karnadrin is a complete and utter belief that skaa are animals, to the point where he is occasionally surprised to learn that they can talk (a fact he invariably forgets soon after).

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Lord Felakish Terveral is pleased to announce that his wife (Elshahna Terveral) has given him a male child, sixth in line for the heirdom. The child, born this second month of the Eight Hundred and Seventy Fifth year of the reign of Our Farther, the Lord Ruler, Sliver of Infinity, shall be named Karnadrin Terveral, as witnessed...

"From the beginning, I was raised to believe I was nothing. This belief was instilled by my father, my mother, and each of my five brothers and three sisters."

"Did you hear the news?"

'No, what?'

"Lord Terveral's been done in!"

'No! Do they know who?'

"No house admits it, but the Lekal's cadet branches, most like. Still, the way he died..."

"My father was not a good man. He said his prayers, payed his taxes, and never said a word against the Lord Ruler. But from when I was young, I knew that he was truly the most vile of criminals: a skaa-lover. Frequently I witnessed him coming home late at night from my room in the Keep attic, drunken from his night at the whorehouses. For years, I knew him to be a sinner of the grossest order, but there was nothing I could do about it, or so I thought.

"Finally, one night not long after my twelfth year began, my father summoned me to his carriage. From there, the man drunkenly drove us into the center of the city, all the while speaking vile treason. Finally, I knew I could take it no longer and, with righteous fury as befitted the occasion, I broke his rich, though slender, duelling cane in two and drove the pieces into his chest, before leaping out and fleeing into the night, unsure of my location but knowing fully my direction..."

"Congratulations, Obligator Karnadrin. You've not only passed your final exam with flying colours, you've been accepted to a position within the Canton in the heart of Luthadel City. Might I ask what you plan to do in this position?"

"First, I shall give Devotions to my Lord Ruler for granting me this opportunity, for without His grace I could not have attained this.

"Next, I plan to root out
every traitor and blasphemer His city has to offer"

"That is...a most directed goal."

"At last, Luthadel. How could this city represent such a duality? Beauty of the nobility, but the stink of the skaa. Home of the Lord Ruler, Sliver of Infinity and Savior of Our Race, but also home to some of the vilest of blasphemers.

"But, I have spent the past twenty five years in this city, preaching damnation to those who listen and unrooting the secrets of those who don't."

'And what do you plan to do next?'

"The bloodlines must be purified. It is our Lord's will, and we obey.

"Gather your men, captain."

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Karnadrin was displeased. Not only had the incompetent men at the Canton of Inquisition failed to find anything, they had rusted it all up and brought in their hounds, those Steel Inquisitors.

"This," he spat, "is why the operation should have been run under my command, not some bumbling fool at the Canton of Imprecision!"

"M-m-my, sir..." the small man quavered

"Out with it!"

"L-lord Jantel is, is, is suing for damages made! The Canton of Finance can't..!"

"Melt the Canton of Fine Art as well!" Karnadrin paused to collect himself. He was going to need to spend some extra time with his cane today to work off this never-ending pile of frustration. I'll have to see if Captain Daulfax can fit in any time for a proper duel today.

Turning back to the snivelling obligatior before him he signed. "You're dismissed. Go, count your boxings or something. I have more important work to do"

So saying, Obligator Karnadrin of the Lord Ruler's Most Holy Canton of Orthodoxy turned on his heels and strode out the door.

#2 Comatose

  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

Looking Good in Red

Posted 25 March 2018 - 10:05 PM

Hello Gargoyle

I really like the character, and am glad to see a new Obligator. His personality came out quite clearly throughout the sample and the history, so good work. I like how his enjoyment of luxuries works with his ambition and superiority. I also liked his nicknames for the other Cantons.

One thing to note is that these applications are also used for reference purposes for people when writing. It is important for someone writing with Karnadrin to be able to know what he looks like, and so I would like to see a few more specific details in the appearance section, just to give people something to latch on to. Take a look at some of the accepted applications for the type of things people include. The main things are what Karnadrin's noticeable physical traits are (voice, bearing, size, etc.), so that writers can signal seeing him.

Similarly, we could use some more detail in the history for reference purposes, even if you do not continue in the same style. With the excerpts right now, you are leaving quite a bit of the characters 43 year long life out. It would be good to get more details about how he came to be where he is (what the move was like, why he moved, how he attained his current position and what that is, maybe a few set backs along the way). You don't need to draw this out a lot, but a few short sections judge bridging some of the gaps would be helpful.

I will have to review with the other staff, but I am also a little nervous about allowing a noble family with 8 children, since this seems highly unlikely given their fertility issues. That being said, if you have plans that they have recent skaa lineage, you could potentially make that work, and give your character an interesting conflict if he ever discovered the truth.

Finally, as a small clarification point that doesn't necessarily need to be changed, Lekal is a Southern house, so they might not be the first choice for rumours about who killed a lord from the Western Dominance.

Let me know if you have questions about my comments, and great work thus far!

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