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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

Read the full prologue!

Topics on the forum will contain spoilers for the Mistborn Trilogy









Mistborn Series Brandon Sanderson
Allomantic Table, Symbols, and Cartography by Isaac Stewart
Luthadel Images: mking2008
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Final Empire, Metallic Arts, and Style Guides by Chaos at 17th Shard
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Coron Tovol


8 replies to this topic

#1 Coron Tovol

0
Skaa

Posted 08 September 2010 - 02:28 AM

"Coron Tovol"
Hemalurgically Amplified Misting

Player Information
Handle : Silus
Contact : [email protected]
PM here, 17th Shard as Silus - Shard of Flame, TWG as Fireborn

Character Information
Name: Coron Tovol
Age: 18
Type: Half skaa with noble upbringing
Gender: Male
Occupation: None, seeks to join the Skaa rebellion
Marital Status: Single

Powers
Type of Powers: Allomancy and Hemalurgy
Metals Used: Iron Misting, one Steel spike charged with Steel Allomancy
Degree of Skill: Allomantic Iron, Steel: Advanced

Appearance
Hair: A rich blond, shaggy in texture, kept trim, his mother always told him it would earn him attention from noble ladies
Eyes: Black eyes with prominent veins, making them appear bloodshot, slightly bigger than average
Height: 6'3"
Weight: Coron has always been of a lanky build. Has put on some muscle in recent past, but is still a lightweight for his height.
Voice: Has a medium high male voice
Overall Appearance: Coron has picked up the habit of always wearing a scarf to cover the end of his spike. He also wears long sleeves to cover the self inflicted scars on his arms. He tends to dress warm, even when it's hot outside as he often feels flashes of bitter cold. When in combat, he is often mistaken for Mistborn due to his abilities and long scarf looking a bit like a mistcloak, but only to those who have never seen one.

Other
Special Skills: His knowledge of locks combined with his Allomancy have made Coron the greatest lockpick in the Final Empire. It only takes him a fraction of a second to undo any normal lock, and only a few minutes to open combination locks. He can also read and write, as per his noble upbringing. He's a quick study, able to spout off useful facts fairly well.
Strengths: His powers have allowed him to take to combat very easily, not a fact that he likes, but an advantage nonetheless. He has sharp aim with coins. His analytical ability allows him to measure distances, weights and momentum with relative accuracy. He has taken extremely well to the flying acrobatics that his combination of iron and steel allows. His knowledge of force, momentum and leverage make him tricky to fight hand to hand, even though he can't take very many hits. He has more precise control over his pushes and pulls than most Mistborn, since he has to rely on them more and compensate for the metals he doesn't have.
Weaknesses: Coron's fragile mind has been a consistent liability, leaving him vulnerable to emotional Allomancy. His lack of copper make his powers an obvious thing to anyone burning bronze. He is alternately overly trusting and self isolated making it difficult to carry on a conversation with him sometimes. He often feels sharp bursts of piercing cold at random times, which can leave him vulnerable for stretches of precious seconds in combat. He's too honest for his own good. He can't see through the mists and can't burn pewter to soften his landings, making his acrobatics riskier for him than for a full Mistborn.

Personality
Coron is a confused young man. He is not sure whether or not he is either going insane or already insane. There is an itch in the back of his head, demanding his attention, making him want to kill. Three years of trying to cope have put minute fractures in his mind. He may seem normal most of the time, but a couple of times a week, usually just before sleep, his broken nature comes forward in full force, leaving him cold and sobbing, drawing blood from scratching his own arms.

After the death of his family, he has developed a special hatred for Inquisitors.

Beyond his obvious troubles, Coron is a polite, quiet sort of young man. He used to think of skaa and Terrismen as lower than himself due to his upbringing, but after living with them for three years he has learned to treat most people with respect, though his old prejudices tend to pop up when he is intoxicated, which is rare as he doesn't like the taste of alcohol. Coron is a constant sufferer of "it sounded better in my head" syndrome. He has plenty of clever thoughts but they never come out the way he wants them to. This layered on top of his other issues make conversation and expressing his thoughts difficult.

History
Coron Tovol was born to Kyron and Crissy Tovol, the Lord and Lady of a Fadrex noble House of medium importance that provides locks to practically the entire Empire. He and his twin, Eelix were raised to inherit the house, until they were tested for Allomancy. Eelix had no ability, but Coron was a Misting who burned iron. This ability marked him to become the full inheritor of the House.

While Eelix and their sister, Sillyn, a steel Misting five years his senior, pursued their interests in fencing and the sciences, respectively, Coron did his duty, dedicating himself to the study of his trade, locks. As he practiced with his abilities, his understanding of the clever balances and mechanisms or locks became easier to understand.

His life seemed like it would progress just like that of his father and grandfather, as an obscure but necessary part of the workings of the Empire.

But rumors surfaced, strange talk, claiming that Coron and his siblings were actually half skaa. Talk that he dismissed as nothing, but seemed to bother his father. After weeks of the rumors increasing in strength, with talk of Inquisitors coming to call, Coron finally confronted his father, who confessed that the rumors were true. His mother was barren, always had been. But he had been desperate for an heir to try anything, even using the nursemaid as a surrogate mother.

He was half skaa. The revelation was painful. The betrayal of his own blood, the condemnation of his religion, ran deep. But not as deep as what happened next. The Lord Ruler gave no leniency to breeders of halfblood children. Such a long and direct act against the throne was met with quick and brutal punishment.

The night was just like any other, that is, until a stranger rapped on his window, asking to be let in. Initially, Coron was hesitant, but he instinctively trusted the obligator that this man's tattoos insisted he be. The man said that the Inquisitors were coming for him, for his family, and that he needed to hide. Coron was desperate to warn his family, but as they were about to enter the room his family was in, he heard a scream. Peaking through a keyhole, he could see all of the grisly acts. A lone Inquisitor entered the room. "By order of the divine Lord Ruler, you have been convicted of treason against the Final Empire. You will be executed for your crimes and the evidence of your atrocities will be exterminated."

The slaughter began almost immediately. Kyron stood and attempted to plead with the monster, but was cut down with an obsidian axe through his torso, prompting his family to scream. He could hear Eelix roar in anger as he grabbed a poker from next to the hearth and charged at his father's murderer. His head gave before the black blade. Crissy threw herself at its feet to beg its mercy. She received none.

Sillyn scrambled away from the eyeless beast, fell backward and found herself impaled by the shattered wreck left from the chair that her father had been standing in front of. The Inquisitor shrugged, leaving the obviously dying girl to her own pains. It left the room.

Coron was about to rush into the room where his family lay dead and dying, but the obligator held him by the shoulders. "It could still be there, waiting. Be patient," he whispered in his ear. Still shaking in shock, Coron nodded. Minutes passed before they went in. His sister was still there, breathing ragged, bleeding slowly around the mortal wound. Looking between her and him, the obligator seemed to come to a conclusion. "Coron," the Shade said, "this violence doesn't need to be senseless."

He explained that he could end his sister's suffering and give Coron a special gift all in one stroke, but he would need Coron to trust him. Coron nodded. Together, they moved Sillyn to a sitting position. Coron sat behind her, arms around her dying frame, tears running down his face. The obligator produced a steel rod from inside his robe and before Coron ask to its purpose, stabbed it into Sillyn's chest and through into his own. He screamed before falling unconscious.

He awoke to daylight in a bed in an inn in a small village a day's journey from Fadrex. The obligator was there. "You may hate me, but know that there is a purpose to the things I've done. I have plans, plans that you can help in."

Coron pondered, but refused. He needed to be away, needed to come to grips with things on his own. So he set out to the north.

Almost a week passed before he settled on a small village in the Terris Dominance. There he discovered his new power, his sister's power. He became agile, quick, and dangerous, a creature of fluid grace.

He stayed among the Terrisman and the skaa for almost two and a half years. It took almost a year to completely rid himself of his noble preconceptions about them, leading to many unknowingly rude remarks and offended friends, but he did accomplish it, ridding his mind of the Steel Ministry's propaganda.

About eight months ago he was contacted by a small group of Terrismen with notions of rebellion. They hated the way the Lord Ruler treated their people, with their breeding programs and servitude. Coron had come to sympathize with them. So together they planned a raid. The plan was simple, break into a breeding program location and use Coron to rescue as many as possible, but even simple plans can be easily overthrown.

There were more guards than they thought, their small band was overwhelmed and killed. Coron managed to escape, only having successfully rescued one person. A breeder girl, a little younger than himself, named Syndall.

Together, they have recently arrived in Luthadel. Coron has one thing on his mind, revenge. Not against the Lord Ruler who condemned him, or even the nobility that had betrayed him, but against a specific group. The most dangerous beings in the whole of the Final Empire, the Steel Inquisitors.

To this end he seeks to find the Shade who saved him, saved him and cursed him. He seeks to join the rebellion.

Roleplay Sample

Six Months Ago

"No, absolutely not." The idea was absurd. Too many things could go wrong. He wasn't even sure if he could do it.

"Oh, come on!" she said to him, leaning over the chair, a hard look on her face. Syndall could be so stubborn!

"I refuse!" he said, turning to shuffle about papers to look busy so maybe she would leave him alone. "I will not teach you to fight!" The very idea.

"Why not? We live in a dangerous part of the city. If I went out by myself I could be attacked! I need to know how to defend myself." She walked around to stand next to the desk, hands planted firmly on the wooden edge.

"It doesn't matter whether you can fight or not, you're simply not strong enough to-" His face stung. He wasn't sure what had happened. He looked at Syndall, she shook her hand, like she'd hurt it somehow. "Did you-? Did you just slap me?"

She ignored his question. "Don't ever tell me what I can and can't do." She pointed a finger in his face to emphasize her point.

Red in the face, and not from the blow, Coron turned to leave the room. Syndall reached out and grabbed him by the scarf and gave it a tug. "Hey, I'm not done talking to you!" He spun around to face her, trying to keep the scarf around his shoulders, but to no avail. It fell off. Syndall shrieked, something she never did. "Wh-what is that?" She pointed at his chest.

Coron bowed his head, sighing. The metal rod poked from just above his sternum, rounded on the top. "This is the constant reminder I have of my past."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's not what I meant. Why in the Final Empire do you have metal sticking out of you!"

"It's...a long story," he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her.

"It's not like we have anything else to do," she wouldn't be satiated by a non-answer like that, he could just tell.

He sighed. "When my family was killed, the Shade, the one we're looking for, convinced me that this would make my family's sacrifice mean something. In my grief, I agreed. I honestly don't know how it works. Somehow it gives me my sister's Allomantic power. And that's all I want to say about it right now."

"Can't you - I don't know - take it out?"

"No, the Terrisman physician said that if this comes out, the internal bleeding will kill me."

"And this-" she gestured at his torso, "-won't?"

"It doesn't seem so, I've lived with it for almost three years."

"That's-" For the first time in the two weeks he'd known her, Syndall was speechless.

He sighed, picked up his scarf and replaced it, and walked to the door. "When I come back we'll talk about how to go about your training. But I honestly don't know very much. I don't know how much I can teach you."

"Really?!" The incredulity in her eyes disappeared, replaced with excitement and a certain amount of smugness.

"Yes, but for now I have to go." He walked out and closed the door behind him. As he walked through the inn to the entrance to the street, he shivered despite the heat of the day. Just one more thing he'd had to live with for three years.

His mind itched while ash fell from the sky.
<span style='color:blue'>Coron Tovol</span>
<span style='color:crimson'>Syndall</span>

#2 Chaos

112
Aaron Elariel's Math Skills

Posted 09 September 2010 - 05:12 AM

I have extreme reservations about this character, completely stemming from Hemalurgic use.

First and most importantly: there are currently a race of super soldiers. They are called koloss. See, using iron and tin spikes steals the inherent energy of Preservation. By stealing it, that actually twists things more than stealing Allomantic or Feruchemical abilities. That's the reason why koloss look so inhuman; it's because stealing that power of Preservation disfigures you far more.

Thus, you cannot use iron or tin spikes. I already told Will when he made his Inquisitor he can't use them. In your case, I'm fairly certain that would kill you. You need four spikes (of iron or tin) for koloss, and you have three. You'd need to give me a very good explanation why you aren't blue and enormous and have no mental capabilities (but, since koloss require four spikes, your character is insufficient, and I'm fairly certain he would die instantly). I recommend stripping the Hemalurgy entirely from the character.

Speaking of Hemalurgic tests: we're in the ninth century of the Final Empire. The Lord Ruler would already know what works and what doesn't, especially dealing with iron and tin spikes, since he's been giving them to koloss for hundreds of years. There is no need to do experiments of this variety, and if the Lord Ruler was doing Hemalurgic experiments--which he does do--he would be doing it very quietly, under the supervision of Inquisitors. If you survived the test--which is highly unlikely, since the Lord Ruler's Hemalurgic tests have always failed, as he was never able to create a new Hemalurgic construct except kandra, koloss, and Inquisitors--you'd be so far within the Ministry you would not be able to escape. The Inquisitors would kill you.

As such, Tovol would not be involved in such experiments at all.

Furthermore, regarding Ruin's voice, which you are obviously going for, despite the fact that it doesn't appear in the RP sample: don't. Primarily, Ruin doesn't have the ability to influence many different people now.

I highly recommend you cut the Hemalurgy from this character completely. I like the notion of being skaa-born. I've used it myself, and it's a fun character conflict. But Hemalurgy is difficult, and because it's difficult, that means there are generally not dalliances with it at all. If you are doing cute things with Hemalurgy, you have to be able to convince me its possible to a much more rigorous degree.

(While that statement may imply that I'm saying you should attempt this, don't. Theoretically, it could be possible that I accept "cute" things with Hemalurgy, but I am certain that won't happen in this decade).

I do like him, and I like his character interaction with Syndall. I just really don't like the Hemalurgy at all.


#3 Coron Tovol

0
Skaa

Posted 09 September 2010 - 05:43 AM

I was worried about this, so I'm just going to say it. Without the Hemalurgy, there is no character.

Maybe that's a bit extreme. There's no character that hasn't been done on this forum before. A lot. And really, I don't want to play that character.

Inquisitors have 11 spikes and they look mostly human. And I actually have two iron spikes, a tin spike, and a steel spike. You said three iron.

And I don't think you need to have a specific construct in order to use Hemalurgy effectively. Look at Zane or Vin, they each had a spike, and it didn't kill them.

The experiments are being performed by Inquisitors. And Hemalurgy is deep and complex, I really doubt that even in the amount of time that's passed that the full limits of it have been explored.

Maybe I didn't think the escape through enough, but I can fix that.

It's not so much Ruin directly influencing him as much as it is the Hemalurgy itself has screwed him up in the head.

The reason I included the Hemalurgy was to get around what I think of as the biggest failing of the Metallic Arts. You either have only one power, or you have them all. Which I don't like at all. It essentially makes it so in a fight against a Mistborn or Inquisitor, unless you have a large group of Mistings, there's no way to fight them. I wanted something in between.

I want this character to work, but I need the Hemalurgy. Is there another way I can fix this?
<span style='color:blue'>Coron Tovol</span>
<span style='color:crimson'>Syndall</span>

#4 Chaos

112
Aaron Elariel's Math Skills

Posted 09 September 2010 - 05:50 AM

My gut instinct is to say no, there's not.

Iron spikes are intrinsically different than steel spikes. Iron and tin steals Preservation, and warping that power changes your appearance drastically. Steel and other metals that steal attributes do not have this property, which is why Inquisitors look relatively human. Iron spikes would not do this.

You're welcome to discuss it with me on AIM sometime, or any other IM client. I'm pretty much Chaos2651 everywhere, except for Skype, where I'm thelordruler.

EDIT: Also, the magic system shouldn't be the only character attribute. Dig deeper, and you'll find plenty of character there :) I get what you're saying, that the Hemalurgy influences his character conflict, but you may have to dig deeper and find something else, something character related that's more unique and personal.

Edited by Chaos2651, 09 September 2010 - 05:53 AM.



#5 Coron Tovol

0
Skaa

Posted 09 September 2010 - 06:36 AM

How is taking Allomantic power different than taking raw strength? They're both equally attached to them, both an inherent part of them. Allomancy is derived from humans connection to Preservation, and is just as much a part of their soul as their strength. I don't think it's the taking of strength specifically that changed them into Koloss as much as using specific points to create a specific reaction. Coron's spikes use similar areas to an Inquisitor's spikes, thus keeping him looking human.
So I say, no, iron spikes are not that different than steel spikes. They do the same thing in different ways.

It's not his only attribute, but it's one where all of his character conflict comes from. I construct characters by extrapolating from one core issue, and this is it. If not for this, he would be just another spoiled, skaa hating noble. And I don't want to RP that. It's that character root that makes him interesting. Can you say that Vin would've been half as interesting if she hadn't been Mistborn? She would've been a victimized street urchin, of which there are plenty in Luthadel. It's these specific traits that make them something you want to read about.

Hemalurgy doesn't just influence his character conflict, it's the part of his character that I like. Half skaa is an interesting thing, but everyone on this board and their dog has done it. There's nothing new I can bring to the table on that subject, I need something else.
<span style='color:blue'>Coron Tovol</span>
<span style='color:crimson'>Syndall</span>

#6 Coron Tovol

0
Skaa

Posted 10 September 2010 - 06:14 AM

"Coron Tovol"
Hemalurgically Amplified Misting

Player Information
Handle : Silus
Contact : [email protected]
PM here, 17th Shard as Silus - Shard of Flame, TWG as Fireborn

Character Information
Name: Coron Tovol
Age: 18
Type: Half skaa with noble upbringing
Gender: Male
Occupation: None, seeks to join the Skaa rebellion
Marital Status: Single

Powers
Type of Powers: Allomancy and Hemalurgy
Metals Used: Iron Misting, one Steel spike charged with Steel Allomancy
Degree of Skill: Allomantic Iron, Steel: Advanced

Appearance
Hair: A rich blond, shaggy in texture, kept trim, his mother always told him it would earn him attention from noble ladies
Eyes: Black eyes with prominent veins, making them appear bloodshot, slightly bigger than average
Height: 6'3"
Weight: Coron has always been of a lanky build. Has put on some muscle in recent past, but is still a lightweight for his height.
Voice: Has a medium high male voice
Overall Appearance: Coron has picked up the habit of always wearing a scarf to cover the end of his spike. He also wears long sleeves to cover the self inflicted scars on his arms. He tends to dress warm, even when it's hot outside as he often feels flashes of bitter cold. When in combat, he is often mistaken for Mistborn due to his abilities and long scarf looking a bit like a mistcloak, but only to those who have never seen one.

Other
Special Skills: His knowledge of locks combined with his Allomancy have made Coron the greatest lockpick in the Final Empire. It only takes him a fraction of a second to undo any normal lock, and only a few minutes to open combination locks. He can also read and write, as per his noble upbringing. He's a quick study, able to spout off useful facts fairly well.
Strengths: His powers have allowed him to take to combat very easily, not a fact that he likes, but an advantage nonetheless. He has sharp aim with coins. His analytical ability allows him to measure distances, weights and momentum with relative accuracy. He has taken extremely well to the flying acrobatics that his combination of iron and steel allows. His knowledge of force, momentum and leverage make him tricky to fight hand to hand, even though he can't take very many hits. He has more precise control over his pushes and pulls than most Mistborn, since he has to rely on them more and compensate for the metals he doesn't have.
Weaknesses: Coron's fragile mind has been a consistent liability, leaving him vulnerable to emotional Allomancy. His lack of copper make his powers an obvious thing to anyone burning bronze. He is alternately overly trusting and self isolated making it difficult to carry on a conversation with him sometimes. He often feels sharp bursts of piercing cold at random times, which can leave him vulnerable for stretches of precious seconds in combat. He's too honest for his own good. He can't see through the mists and can't burn pewter to soften his landings, making his acrobatics riskier for him than for a full Mistborn.

Personality
Coron is a confused young man. He is not sure whether or not he is either going insane or already insane. There is an itch in the back of his head, demanding his attention, making him want to kill. Three years of trying to cope have put minute fractures in his mind. He may seem normal most of the time, but a couple of times a week, usually just before sleep, his broken nature comes forward in full force, leaving him cold and sobbing, drawing blood from scratching his own arms.

After the death of his family, he has developed a special hatred for Inquisitors.

Beyond his obvious troubles, Coron is a polite, quiet sort of young man. He used to think of skaa and Terrismen as lower than himself due to his upbringing, but after living with them for three years he has learned to treat most people with respect, though his old prejudices tend to pop up when he is intoxicated, which is rare as he doesn't like the taste of alcohol. Coron is a constant sufferer of "it sounded better in my head" syndrome. He has plenty of clever thoughts but they never come out the way he wants them to. This layered on top of his other issues make conversation and expressing his thoughts difficult.

History
Coron Tovol was born to Kyron and Crissy Tovol, the Lord and Lady of a Fadrex noble House of medium importance that provides locks to practically the entire Empire. He and his twin, Eelix were raised to inherit the house, until they were tested for Allomancy. Eelix had no ability, but Coron was a Misting who burned iron. This ability marked him to become the full inheritor of the House.

While Eelix and their sister, Sillyn, a steel Misting five years his senior, pursued their interests in fencing and the sciences, respectively, Coron did his duty, dedicating himself to the study of his trade, locks. As he practiced with his abilities, his understanding of the clever balances and mechanisms or locks became easier to understand.

His life seemed like it would progress just like that of his father and grandfather, as an obscure but necessary part of the workings of the Empire.

But rumors surfaced, strange talk, claiming that Coron and his siblings were actually half skaa. Talk that he dismissed as nothing, but seemed to bother his father. After weeks of the rumors increasing in strength, with talk of Inquisitors coming to call, Coron finally confronted his father, who confessed that the rumors were true. His mother was barren, always had been. But he had been desperate for an heir to try anything, even using the nursemaid as a surrogate mother.

He was half skaa. The revelation was painful. The betrayal of his own blood, the condemnation of his religion, ran deep. But not as deep as what happened next. The Lord Ruler gave no leniency to breeders of halfblood children. Such a long and direct act against the throne was met with quick and brutal punishment.

The night was just like any other, that is, until a stranger rapped on his window, asking to be let in. Initially, Coron was hesitant, but he instinctively trusted the obligator that this man's tattoos insisted he be. The man said that the Inquisitors were coming for him, for his family, and that he needed to hide. Coron was desperate to warn his family, but as they were about to enter the room his family was in, he heard a scream. Peaking through a keyhole, he could see all of the grisly acts. A lone Inquisitor entered the room. "By order of the divine Lord Ruler, you have been convicted of treason against the Final Empire. You will be executed for your crimes and the evidence of your atrocities will be exterminated."

The slaughter began almost immediately. Kyron stood and attempted to plead with the monster, but was cut down with an obsidian axe through his torso, prompting his family to scream. He could hear Eelix roar in anger as he grabbed a poker from next to the hearth and charged at his father's murderer. His head gave before the black blade. Crissy threw herself at its feet to beg its mercy. She received none.

Sillyn scrambled away from the eyeless beast, fell backward and found herself impaled by the shattered wreck left from the chair that her father had been standing in front of. The Inquisitor shrugged, leaving the obviously dying girl to her own pains. It left the room.

Coron was about to rush into the room where his family lay dead and dying, but the obligator held him by the shoulders. "It could still be there, waiting. Be patient," he whispered in his ear. Still shaking in shock, Coron nodded. Minutes passed before they went in. His sister was still there, breathing ragged, bleeding slowly around the mortal wound. Looking between her and him, the obligator seemed to come to a conclusion. "Coron," the Shade said, "this violence doesn't need to be senseless."

He explained that he could end his sister's suffering and give Coron a special gift all in one stroke, but he would need Coron to trust him. Coron nodded. Together, they moved Sillyn to a sitting position. Coron sat behind her, arms around her dying frame, tears running down his face. The obligator produced a steel rod from inside his robe and before Coron ask to its purpose, stabbed it into Sillyn's chest and through into his own. He screamed before falling unconscious.

He awoke to daylight in a bed in an inn in a small village a day's journey from Fadrex. The obligator was there. "You may hate me, but know that there is a purpose to the things I've done. I have plans, plans that you can help in."

Coron pondered, but refused. He needed to be away, needed to come to grips with things on his own. So he set out to the north.

Almost a week passed before he settled on a small village in the Terris Dominance. There he discovered his new power, his sister's power. He became agile, quick, and dangerous, a creature of fluid grace.

He stayed among the Terrisman and the skaa for almost two and a half years. It took almost a year to completely rid himself of his noble preconceptions about them, leading to many unknowingly rude remarks and offended friends, but he did accomplish it, ridding his mind of the Steel Ministry's propaganda.

About eight months ago he was contacted by a small group of Terrismen with notions of rebellion. They hated the way the Lord Ruler treated their people, with their breeding programs and servitude. Coron had come to sympathize with them. So together they planned a raid. The plan was simple, break into a breeding program location and use Coron to rescue as many as possible, but even simple plans can be easily overthrown.

There were more guards than they thought, their small band was overwhelmed and killed. Coron managed to escape, only having successfully rescued one person. A breeder girl, a little younger than himself, named Syndall.

Together, they have recently arrived in Luthadel. Coron has one thing on his mind, revenge. Not against the Lord Ruler who condemned him, or even the nobility that had betrayed him, but against a specific group. The most dangerous beings in the whole of the Final Empire, the Steel Inquisitors.

To this end he seeks to find the Shade who saved him, saved him and cursed him. He seeks to join the rebellion.

Roleplay Sample

Six Months Ago

"No, absolutely not." The idea was absurd. Too many things could go wrong. He wasn't even sure if he could do it.

"Oh, come on!" she said to him, leaning over the chair, a hard look on her face. Syndall could be so stubborn!

"I refuse!" he said, turning to shuffle about papers to look busy so maybe she would leave him alone. "I will not teach you to fight!" The very idea.

"Why not? We live in a dangerous part of the city. If I went out by myself I could be attacked! I need to know how to defend myself." She walked around to stand next to the desk, hands planted firmly on the wooden edge.

"It doesn't matter whether you can fight or not, you're simply not strong enough to-" His face stung. He wasn't sure what had happened. He looked at Syndall, she shook her hand, like she'd hurt it somehow. "Did you-? Did you just slap me?"

She ignored his question. "Don't ever tell me what I can and can't do." She pointed a finger in his face to emphasize her point.

Red in the face, and not from the blow, Coron turned to leave the room. Syndall reached out and grabbed him by the scarf and gave it a tug. "Hey, I'm not done talking to you!" He spun around to face her, trying to keep the scarf around his shoulders, but to no avail. It fell off. Syndall shrieked, something she never did. "Wh-what is that?" She pointed at his chest.

Coron bowed his head, sighing. The metal rod poked from just above his sternum, rounded on the top. "This is the constant reminder I have of my past."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's not what I meant. Why in the Final Empire do you have metal sticking out of you!"

"It's...a long story," he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her.

"It's not like we have anything else to do," she wouldn't be satiated by a non-answer like that, he could just tell.

He sighed. "When my family was killed, the Shade, the one we're looking for, convinced me that this would make my family's sacrifice mean something. In my grief, I agreed. I honestly don't know how it works. Somehow it gives me my sister's Allomantic power. And that's all I want to say about it right now."

"Can't you - I don't know - take it out?"

"No, the Terrisman physician said that if this comes out, the internal bleeding will kill me."

"And this-" she gestured at his torso, "-won't?"

"It doesn't seem so, I've lived with it for almost three years."

"That's-" For the first time in the two weeks he'd known her, Syndall was speechless.

He sighed, picked up his scarf and replaced it, and walked to the door. "When I come back we'll talk about how to go about your training. But I honestly don't know very much. I don't know how much I can teach you."

"Really?!" The incredulity in her eyes disappeared, replaced with excitement and a certain amount of smugness.

"Yes, but for now I have to go." He walked out and closed the door behind him. As he walked through the inn to the entrance to the street, he shivered despite the heat of the day. Just one more thing he'd had to live with for three years.

His mind itched while ash fell from the sky.
<span style='color:blue'>Coron Tovol</span>
<span style='color:crimson'>Syndall</span>

#7 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 10 September 2010 - 07:48 PM

After talking to Chaos and then reading your new version of Coron, I'm much happier with where you've taken him. I would, however, suggest either editing your original post to reflect the changes made (IE, just copy/pasting your rewrite of the character over what you had the first time around) or posting a new thread. This is to prevent confusion when other players want to read about your character, as we don't want people reading the wrong one. That could get very confusing, very quickly.

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#8 Coron Tovol

0
Skaa

Posted 10 September 2010 - 09:43 PM

Done and done. :rolleyes:
<span style='color:blue'>Coron Tovol</span>
<span style='color:crimson'>Syndall</span>

#9 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 10 September 2010 - 11:55 PM

Awesome. That done, you're Accepted1 Welcome to the RP! ... Again. XD

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