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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Mistborn Series Brandon Sanderson
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Cerisun Betadurn


2 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Cerisun Betadurn_*


Posted 05 November 2010 - 04:43 AM

"CERISUN BETADURN"
Mistborn

Player Information
Handle : Logan
Contact : PM will forward to my email, so that works.

Character Information
Name: Cerisun ?Sun? Betadurn
Age: 18
Type: Noble Orphan
Gender: Female
Occupation: Physicist
Marital Status: Single

Powers
Type of Powers: Allomancy
Metals Used: All
Degree of Skill: Intermediate

Appearance
Hair: Vivid Auburn (more red than brown) hair that reaches the middle of her back. Worn down in public, otherwise is in a ponytail.
Eyes: Large dark green irises
Height: 5? 4?
Weight: 135 lbs
Voice: Sun usually speaks calmly, which actually comes out more as a situation gets worse. While fighting, it takes more of a sarcastic, taunting nature. This often carries over to close friends as well, although in a lighter tone. Her tone of voice otherwise can change dramatically depending on who she?s pretending to be at the time.
Overall Appearance:
At first glance, Cerisun is fairly average in appearance, aside from the striking red hair. This is usually because she?s very good at concealing the fact that she?s very strong after years of training in Allomancy. She can look completely different depending on where she?s trying to fit in. Sun can either be an incredibly elegant noblewoman, or one of the most beat-down looking skaa one might ever lay eyes on. The only time she isn?t hiding something is when she?s out as a Mistborn.

Other
Special Skills: Disguise, Reading, Agility, Observation
Strengths:
Cerisun has an uncanny ability to blend in to nearly any crowd by altering her body language, clothing and state of cleanliness. Even through subtle changes, she?s managed to have two people who know her walk right by and not notice it?s her. She?s also very calm, even while disguising herself as someone else, although that mostly comes from having been so many different people. Sometimes she does it out of necessity, others just because she?s curious. Blending in means people don?t notice you, and if people don?t notice you, they won?t realize they?re subjects. Sun has a habit of studying people ? mannerisms, tone of voice, behaviour around certain groups of people, etc. Particularly interesting subjects go into a notebook she usually has nearby. Oftentimes, she?ll simply lean against a chimney on a rooftop at night and fall into a near-sleep, keeping tin on to pick up voices to study them passively. Protection is something else Sun does often. Whether it?s noble or skaa, if Sun sees someone being oppressed, she?s likely to step in. Having everything taken from you in an instant did that to her ? she has trouble simply allowing it to happen to anyone else. During battle, she often mixes Emotional Allomancy in with more obvious attacks, which has proven to be a highly effective tactic as it throws off her opponents just enough to cause extra openings.

Weaknesses:
Sun is a horrible writer. She never really learned during her time living with her family, and barely practiced afterwards. Her notebook is often written in, but she never seems to get better. While being ruthless in battle, she almost never actually kills anyone. She considers this a weakness, because even if they were bad people, she has an ethical problem taking someone?s life, although she has done it. Her protectiveness of the downtrodden is often a weakness as well, since it tends to get her in trouble quite often. In these cases, she?s more likely to run than fight. Her curiosity has at times attracted too much attention as well, as she?s not always subtle about it, especially when she runs into someone interesting. It often comes off as obnoxious or even stalking.

Personality
Cerisun considers herself unique. Definitely not a skaa, but not quite a noblewoman either. Despite losing her entire family, she usually has a bright outlook. The topic of killing can easily begin to disturb or even anger her, if mentioned callously. Lies are not beneath Sun, but she will never betray someone she?s entrusted, no matter what. Her Terrismen taught her to be a decent person, even if she did use her abilities to trick her way into circles and to harm and possibly kill others. Sun will never kill a person unless she sees no other way to deal with the person ? this has happened exactly twice in her lifetime, and hopes there will only be one more. Always one more. Someone attacked her home as a child and killed her family, and she has taken it upon herself to find who did it. Even if she never does, she?ll never stop trying. Friends come easily to Sun, but only because she?s so observant of others and can make herself friendly to nearly anyone. Her real friends are restricted to the Terrisman and Terriswoman who raised her after her parents died, as no one else knows who she really is and what her motivations are.

History
Cerisun was born to Lord Adlemond Betadurn and Lady Beresoare Betadurn as their second child of three. Adlemond was a Smoker, while Beresoare a Lurcher. Sun?s older brother, Desaluna was three years older, and a Thug while her brother of two years younger, Mesiac, had no known Allomantic abilities. He did however give Cerisun her nickname, as it was all he could pronounce for some time. House Betadurn was a fairly simple, middle-rate house in the Western Dominance until Cerisun was eleven. It had been discovered two years ago that Des was a Thug, and Adlemond had become more adventurous in climbing the social ladder. By Sun?s twelfth birthday, they were becoming a high-ranking house. Suddenly, everything went wrong. One night, Sun had stayed up late, sneaking around the mansion, trying to see how long it would take for someone to notice she was up late and force her to bed when she came across something incredibly disturbing for a twelve-year old. She found not one, but two dead servants, brutally murdered. Thankfully, she had been too stunned to scream, but did immediately run to her room. What she found there changed her life. A group of Mistings ? two Thugs, a Coinshot , a Lurcher and a Smoker - had attacked her home, and were now fighting her parents. Sun never made it to her room, and instead found Mesiac, dead in his. Her scream finally finding its way attracted one of the Thugs. Desaluna tried to protect her, but ended up getting himself killed in the process. Watching her remaining brother die triggered something, and Cerisun Snapped. Using metals ingested through water, she managed to keep the Thug?s attention away from her, and she ran.

The next morning, House Betadurn no longer existed, killed off by an unknown, but apparently threatened high-ranking House. Sun had hidden herself behind a large brown bush in the corner of the grounds. It was then that Stelen found her. Stelen was a Terrisman Keeper that had been in the employ of the Betadurns. Sun never knew that Stelen was a Keeper until then, and she never knew if her father did either. In any case, he took pity on her and took her in, along with Tahdet, his wife, who was not a Keeper. Stelen quickly found that Sun was a Mistborn, and using the knowledge contained in his copperminds, was able to teach Sun about a number of things, along with Tahdet, who was also quite knowledgeable. When she was fifteen, Cerisun decided she needed to find who had taken her family from her, and asked if Stelen knew anything about disguises. Sun found that she took to learning about how to disguise herself quite well, and she became quite good at it. When she was sixteen, she finally set out, leaving Stelen and Tahdet behind. After a year of searching, Sun finds herself at Luthadel, although no leads on who exactly it was that murdered her family.

Roleplay Sample

Pat, pat, pat, pat.
Sun?s bare feet made a constant rhythm on the smooth, but cold floor of House Betadurn?s mansion. She was less running to somewhere than running from something however.
They?re dead! How could they be otherwise? So much blood...
Sun turned the corner leading to her room and froze. Father and Mother were fighting off dark clothed men in the hallway in front of her room. Without thinking about it, she quickly ducked into Mesiac?s room and closed the door that had been open. Breathing heavily, she backed slowly into the room, staring at the door, stroking a handful of her long red hair nervously.
?Mesiac?? she whispered softly, turning her head, but still mostly looking at the door. ?Are you in here??
Suddenly, Sun found herself on the floor. She?d tripped, but on what? Sun felt something wet. Even holding her hand up to her face, she couldn?t tell what it was that covered her hand.
?Mess, this isn?t funny, where are you??
While the sounds of battle continued outside the room, Sun got to her knees, and finally saw what she?d tripped on.
Mesiac lay dead on the floor, lying in a pool of blood, covered in wounds.
Sun screamed.
A moment later, the door burst open and a very large and dangerous looking man stood in the doorway. Sun didn?t know what to do, so just sat there over her brother?s body, crying, staring at the man she knew would kill her too.
?Get away from her!?
Des?
Desaluna tackled the Thug from behind, throwing them both into the bedroom. The Thug threw a punch, but Des ducked under it, throwing his retaliation into the stomach of his opponent. The Thug knocked it away and tackled Des, knocking him over. Instead of finishing him off though, he turned back towards Cerisun, who still sat on the floor.
?NO!?
Without looking, the Thug grinned. When Des got close, the Misting suddenly spun; wielding a club he?d had on his belt, and broke it over Desaluna?s head. His limp body fell across Mesiac?s; empty eyes starting up at Cerisun.

***

Sun jerked awake. Breathing heavily was hard in the mist, and she had trouble breathing at all until she remembered to burn pewter. The cool wet mist had a calming effect, and Sun quickly go her breath back.
Another nightmare...if only it wasn?t real.
Picking herself up from the rooftop ? the chimney had been acting as a headboard ? Sun began burning tin, bronze and copper along with pewter, but saw nothing interesting. That had probably been why she?d fell asleep. The streets nearby were deserted. Somewhere else would probably be-
?Did you hear about that new noble from the Western Dominance??
?What, that ass who will likely be dead before the week is out??
?Heh, yeah, that one.?
?What about him??
?Heard he?s actually from some high-ranking house from the west.?
?So??
?So, apparently he killed off another house to reach that position.?
Sun couldn?t see the men talking, but she didn?t need to with tin. She stood frozen on the rooftop, no longer hearing the conversation. The skaa ? no nobleman would be out at this hour ? hadn?t given the nobleman?s name sadly, but had given a particular personality trait. Apparently it was a fairly obvious one as well. It would be like child?s play to find him. First, she?d need to find a way to get close enough to him without being suspicious. That meant she?d finally have to get into one of those balls. It would be easy enough. Cerisun was, after all, technically noble. But which noble would she be?

#2 KChan

562
Atium Chandelier

Posted 06 November 2010 - 02:32 AM

Hello there, and welcome to the RP! As I told our other new member, Aurora, I apologize for the delay in replying to your application. Unfortunately, these things happen when both the RP's admins are full-time students.

Anyways, on to your character! Unfortunately, I do have a bit of bad news for you: we are currently inundated with Mistborn, and are not accepting any more unless previously agreed upon for story reasons. Your character may be a Misting or a normal noble, but Mistborn are off limits for now. I apologize for the inconvenience.

There are also a few other things I would like to go over with you about your character. First of all, how is your character a physicist, and how does this affect her daily life? Even in a modern level of education, at eighteen years old, the vast majority of aspiring physicists would just be students. I'll let you hash that out with Chaos; he's the math and science guy, not me, but I personally would like to see a more elaboration on this if it's to make sense. Also, if she's a horrible writer, her study of math and physics would be severely crippled.

Now, on to the assassination. If a mere child who had just Snapped caught the attention of a highly trained and deadly Misting assassin team, it seems highly unlikely that she would be able to escape. Perhaps it would be best if she went unnoticed for some reason and discovered the crime scene later, or else the assassins were eventually stopped by her House's Allomancers and/or Hazekillers.

Where is the rest of Aurora's House? Surely her parents and siblings weren't the only members of a powerful noble House; it wouldn't survive with such small numbers. Where are the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins on either side of the family? Why didn't they take in Aurora when her parents died? I'm not saying they absolutely can't be missing, but if they're not around, your readers need to know why for the story to be believable.

Lastly, onto the matter of the Terris servants. This is one thing I'm afraid can't be negotiated: Keepers do not come out as such to the nobility; the Lord Ruler has worked tirelessly to eradicate Feruchemy from the Terris bloodline, and as such, to openly use their ability to help the nobility goes directly against the very principles of their order. Also, Terris stewards are eunuchs, and Terris reproduction is strictly regulated through the Lord Ruler's breeding programs. Chaos and I find it highly likely that they wouldn't even be allowed to marry, especially in the case of a union that - as the male is a eunuch - would not result in propagating their race.

I apologize if any of this sounded mean or harsh; I can promise you that this was not my intent. However, these things do need to be addressed in order for your character to be all she can be. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to working with you to get this to work!

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#3 Chaos

102
High House Noble

Posted 06 November 2010 - 03:00 AM

One thing I'd like to add to Cami is the, shall we say, eccentricity of your character names. They feel kind of like they were thrown together from random syllables, which in this case leads to some really weird names. Names in Mistborn are typically more mundane. For example. "Beresoare" is a particularly wacky name.

Quote

First of all, how is your character a physicist, and how does this affect her daily life? Even in a modern level of education, at eighteen years old, the vast majority of aspiring physicists would just be students. I'll let you hash that out with Chaos; he's the math and science guy, not me, but I personally would like to see a more elaboration on this if it's to make sense. Also, if she's a horrible writer, her study of math and physics would be severely crippled.

Since mathematics in earlier times involved less rigorous proof and more arguing to people in letters, I would agree with Cami that being a poor writer would be a detriment. It's not everything, of course.

More importantly, I just want to know why she's a physicist. What prompted her to take this up? How does this influence her personality? Things like that. Right now it feels entirely random and not to the service of the character.






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