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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

Read the full prologue!

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Tulir



17 replies to this topic

#1 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 16 November 2011 - 11:51 PM

Tulir
Coinshot



Player Information
Name/Handle:Kaladin Stormblessed
OoC Account: (Required in order to use the account linking system)
Contact Information: [email protected]

Character Information
Name: Tulir
Type: Noble (Lives as skaa)
Age: 19I
Gender: Male
Place of Origin: Northern Dominances
Occupation: Spy, Assassin, Warrior
Relationship Status: Single

Powers:
-Type: Misting
-Metal(s) Used: Steel
-Degree of Skill: Advanced


Appearance:
Tulir is about average size, which helps him blend in with a crowd. He doesn’t have features that stick into your mind, quite the opposite. Sometime his friends have trouble finding him in a crowd. His long black hair is his most distinctive feature, along with his eyes, which are a dark violet. He walks with a stride that shows he is confident with himself, and can run for long periods of time. When he runs, few can keep up with him for long distances.


Special Skills: Reading, Knife-throwing, Running, Stealth, Steel-pushes, Fighting, Assassination
Strengths: Tulir can move around very quietly at night, and is very good at making himself seem unimportant and weak.
Weaknesses: Gets very, very annoyed when someone speaks condescendingly to him and will attack anyone who insults his parents, when he sees obligators, he generally stops what he is doing for a couple days to see if he can kill the obligator, and will only stop if he sees that he can’t kill the obligator, or if someone tells him he will have a chance to hurt more obligators.

Personality: When Tulir is with people he doesn’t know or trust, he is solemn, serious, and prefers to get the point across with the least amount of words possible. However, if he is meeting with people who share the same mindset as he does about the Final Empire, he has a quiet passion for his work that is transferred to the people he is talking to. With close friends, Tulir is talkative, energetic, and willing to do anything to bring down the obligators, and the Final Empire with them. Despite what happened in his youth, Tulir is an optimist and believes that the Final Empire can be brought down.


History: Tulir’s father, Philus Helenara, was married to Laurena Helenara. They loved each other very much and both were very happy when Tulir was born in 899. When Tulir was four, obligators came and killed Tulir’s family because his father had a child with a skaa. Before they arrived, Laurena told one of Philus’s guards to take Tulir away. The guard hid near the house, and watched as the guards the obligators brought attacked Laurena and her husband. They fought valiently but they still were killed. They put a valiant effort, Laurena and Philus using steel-pushes on random metal to confuse and wound the obligators, and the guards brought out dueling canes and used them to their best skill. But it was not enough. They were overcome, and the obligators dropped a torch in the building. They then left, as they thought the fire would kill Tulir. O Watching all of this, Tulir Snapped.

After the obligators left, the guard came out from hiding and started moving farther north to one of his friends homes. When he reached his friend, Katurrak’s house, he told Katurrak of the situation then left.

Over the next eight years, Tulir learned from Katurruk how to purify the metals because Katurrak was a mine owner, and how to use steel to its fullest extent. Over this time, Katurrak told Tulir what had happened to his parents. Once he learned of what happened, Tulir forsook his noble name, because the person you gave nobles their titles was the same person that the obligators served. Tulir’s friend’s were people that had the same mindset as he did towards the obligators. When Tulir was 14 years old, he and his friends set of to kill the obligators that killed his parents. Once Tulir and his friends arrived at the Ministry building, they waited until nightfall to attack. After sunset, they fell upon the obligators and their guards. Several of the obligators died in the first few seconds because they weren’t expecting to be attacked. Once the element of surprise was lost, the obligators and guards quickly gained the upper hand. All of Tulir’s friends were killed and he barely escaped once he realized that he was the only one left standing not with the obligators. When he returned to Katurrak’s home, he was faced with anger as relatives to his friends threatened to kill him as they insulted him once they realized what happened. That moment, Tulir vowed he would find a way to avenge his friends. Since then, he has practiced with steel to make himself stronger.

Five years after he failed in his attack on the obligators, he heard rumors about a rebellion that was occurring. Tulir decided that once he got stronger, he would join the rebellion to avenge his parents and his friends. However, fate decided to change that. The obligators that survived his attack had been searching for what village it had come from and they tracked it down to Tulir’s home. When they arrived, the obligators slaughtered the entire village and started burning it. While that was happening, Tulir was out gathering steel for himself. As he started back to the village, he saw smoke then started running back. When he arrived at the ruined, burning husk of his village, he screamed and started crying. That day, Tulir swore that the Lord Ruler would die for that. With nothing to lose, as he had lost everything and everyone he had ever loved, he made his way to Luthadel to join the rebellion.



Roleplay Sample
Tulir rested on the Ministry buildings roof. He came here to get rid of some more obligators. This group he had watched for a couple days, he knew the guard patrol patterns and he knew where the obligators would be.

As the sun set, Tulir stood up with the mists. He welcomed the mists, he knew them, and they knew him. The mists were the only thing that he actually knew in the world and loved.

The guard passed under him. It is time, he thought, as he dropped down behind the guard and put his obsidian knife through the guard’s throat. He dropped without a sound. Tulir entered through the door the guard was about to walk through, and continued walking the guards path until he passed the second guard. Without giving him time to think, Tulir through a knife at him then caught the guard before he fell. No guards left, he thought as he neared the door leading to the obligators. Tulir stopped right outside of the door, and used his steel-sight to confirm that the obligators were indeed in that room. They were. Before Tulir entered the room, he pulled out his dueling canes and a bag of coins. Then he entered.

Tulir immediately Pushed on the bag of coins and then used his free hand to throw stone daggers at the obligators who had no coins coming at them. His aim was a little off because he was constantly moving to avoid any retaliation from the obligators. The couple of obligators that he didn’t kill in the first shot he walked over to and cracked the skulls of all but one.

“Why?” the obligator asked. “Why kill them and not me?”

“Because,” Tulir replied, “Because I want the Ministry to know that I am coming. And I want them to be afraid.”

With that, he walked out of the room, dropped a coin onto the ground, and Pushed, flinging himself into the air. Yes. Tulir thought. Yes. I am coming, Ministry. Be afraid. For I am coming to avenge everyone you took away from me. And you won’t like the results.[/I]

Edited by Kaladin Stormblessed, 16 February 2012 - 09:29 PM.


#2 Chaos

112
Aaron Elariel's Math Skills

Posted 17 November 2011 - 07:19 AM

Hi Kaladin Stormblessed. Good to see you here.

I have a couple of notes and some bad news for you. We have adapted our rules and guidelines to forbid using canonical names, from Mistborn or not, so I am afraid I cannot allow you to use the character name Kaladin. It seems as you based your character deeply off of Kaladin's... but I don't know, I would like to see something more original.

Steel savants actually see like Inquisitors do. Brandon's said that people can learn to see as Inquisitors do. I strongly suspect the process of becoming savant allows this, as Inquisitors would soon become iron or steel savants after their inception. Due to the bizarre influx of new savant applications, we are not allowing Allomantic savants as someone's first character. There are a lot of subtleties to them, as you can tell. I'm not entirely pleased with your application of steel. This may be because I am quite tired at the moment, though. Your character couldn't see behind him using steel. It's a visual ability, and even blind Inquisitors can't sense things behind them. It extends as far as your vision. Also, it is stretching plausibility to say he can sense the direction and speed of a metal. Maybe he has a little understanding of it, but it's by no means perfect. If it was, he'd freaking have atium, or be a supercomputer.

Sorry. That was harsh. But like I said, I'm tired.

Furthermore, please do not alter the character application with subheadings, as happens in your Appearance section, and fill out the Special Skills area.

Those are my initial reactions. I may have more later, though.


#3 KChan

601
Lord Prelan

Posted 17 November 2011 - 07:38 PM

Hey here, Kaladin! I'm excited to see your character up. ^^ Before I continue on with my own comments, I wanted to remind you that none of us want to be mean or discouraging when we offer our feedback. Sometimes it comes off that way since text on a screen doesn't carry things like vocal tone or facial expression, but everything we say, we say because we want your characters to be the best they can be, and also so they fit well in the world - after all, the more believable your character is, the easier you'll be able to participate in RPs. And that, in the end, is what this site is all about. ^^

That said, I do have a few comments of my own in addition to what Chaos has pointed out. I have to run at the moment, but I'll be editing them in ASAP.

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#4 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 18 November 2011 - 01:10 AM

Ok, I will change what you said Chaos and I was wondering if an advanced steel user would be able to see the metals inside the body like the Inquisitors?

#5 Chaos

112
Aaron Elariel's Math Skills

Posted 18 November 2011 - 01:28 AM

I believe you would need savanthood for that. I would consider Kelsier to be very advanced with steel, and he didn't see like that.

It's possible for you character to grow into savanthood, but that's a pretty serious deal, given the physical effects.


#6 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 18 November 2011 - 01:35 AM

Ok, thanks.

#7 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 18 November 2011 - 02:24 AM

I changed his name, personality, skill, and history with what you said in mind.

#8 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 09 January 2012 - 10:20 PM

Can someone check my character app and give me feedback on it. I also would like to know what I need to do to make an obligator because I think that would be fun to play.

#9 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 09 January 2012 - 10:27 PM

Obligators are free to make, as long as they aren't mistborn or Inquisitors ( see the Character Application rules for details. Just make sure to read up on the obligator section of the Guide to the Final Empire and make sure to include in your history how/why you character ended up working for the ministry and how they got to the position they are now in.

I'll try to read over you app quickly, and will post feed back asap.

EDIT: Now for some feedback.

It's nice to see you've made the changes suggested by Chaos. Tulir is definitely improving, but I do have a few concerns I'd like to talk to you about before he is accepted.

First of all, while I understand his reasoning for wanting to kill obligators (you've explained this quite well), be aware that it's not something just anyone can get away with, and there are many obligators who are also allomancers with funds and training behind them, which means Tulir's exceptional abilities with steel won't give him too much of an advantage. I'm not saying you have to change anything, I'm just cautioning you about killing obligators will nilly in the RP. The ministry is the most well organized and well funded organization in the empire. They have the most information regarding allomancy, and the most resources to put their research to good use. They are by no means invincible, but they are tough cookies to track, so I recommend that when you RP Tulir attacking the ministry you try your best to keep things realistic. This should definitely be a struggle for him (which is a good thing character-wise).

Regarding this:

Quote

"when he sees obligators, he generally stops what he is doing for a couple days to see if he can kill the obligator, and will only stop if he sees that he can’t kill the obligator, or if someone tells him he will have a chance to hurt more obligators."
You should know that Luthadel is the center of Ministry power in the Final Empire. Because of this, there are a LOT of obligators running around, and the ones that are in Luthadel are also probably the most powerful. It's fine for Tulir to feel this way, but if literally goes around killing every obligator he sees, he probably isn't going to last long.

Lastly, a small note on obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, and has a similar fragility to regular glass. Daggers, arrowheads, and spear heads work because of their small size. Axes work because they are only used for chopping (and the odd slash her or there). Swords, with their multitude of uses could not be made of obsidian. The first parry would cause them to shatter. Also, there is the amount and cost of Obsidian to consider. The only characters we see with Obsidian axes are the Inquisitors, who for all intents and purposes have a bottomless budget. Obsidian cannot be forged, it has to be chipped and carved into shapes. To make something large, you need a larger hunk of obsidian to make it with. We aren't told how large the Iqnuisitors' axes are, but I do know that only the heads would be obsidian, and the hafts would likely be wood. Swords would be even more expensive to make with obsidian (axe-heads by nature are easier to fashion by chipping and carving- hence why you find stone axe and hammer heads, but not swords), and the design might even require more obsidian than was used to make said axe. While an obsidian sword might make an expensive and impressive decoration in a noble mansion, it's not a useful or feasible weapon for a resident of the underground.

Other than that, I don't think I have any other concerns, though Chaos and Camille might. Thanks for your time, and good luck with your Obligator :)

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#10 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 09 January 2012 - 11:40 PM

Ok, hanks for the feedback. I plan on having Tulir learn a little once he reaches Luthadel, and slightly temper his hate. I will change the sword to normal steel, or just make them 2 dueling canes, what doe you think is better for him? I'm thinking dueling canes.

#11 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 09 January 2012 - 11:42 PM

Either would work. If you are thinking canes, then go with that :). And learning lessons can make for really good RP material.

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#12 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 10 January 2012 - 12:41 AM

Ok, I changed the sword to dueling canes and did some more edits. Thanks for your feedback. Now to work on the obligator.

Edited by Kaladin Stormblessed, 10 January 2012 - 12:41 AM.


#13 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 10 January 2012 - 06:15 PM

Camille also mentioned a quick edit to me that you still haven't fixed, so I thought I'd slip it in so we can speed acceptance up a bit. When the obligators attack Tulir's parents, she'd like that you keep in mind that while some Obligators are dangerous allomancers, they usually serve more of a general/strategist role in martial scenarios (obligators are too valuable to waste as troops after all), and she'd like that you specify that when they attack Tulir's parents, they attack with soldiers. Now, this might have been what you meant, but since soldiers aren't mentioned we'd just like to make sure.

Does that make sense? Let me know if you have any questions.

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#14 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 10 January 2012 - 06:32 PM

That makes sense, I will add it.

#15 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 10 January 2012 - 06:37 PM

I added that

#16 Kaladin Stormblessed

0
Skaa

Posted 02 March 2012 - 08:03 PM

Can someone give me feedback in Tulir? If you have time.

#17 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:33 AM

Thanks! Accepted.

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#18 Comatose


  • Shard of Brain Inactivity

354
House Raisaal

Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:34 AM

Accepted! Thank-you for your patience and hard work!

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