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Leleina Araede
Mistborn Bodyguard
Contact Information:
Type: Noble
Age: 28 (b.890)
Gender: Female
Place of Origin: Southern Dominance
Occupation: Private Guard
Relationship Status: Courting, Eleanor Araede
-Metal(s) Used: All
-Degree of Skill: Advanced: Iron, Steel, Pewter; Intermediate: Tin, Bronze, Copper; Novice: Brass, Zinc.
-Status: Known
Her eyes are a vibrant blue and, while striking, it would be impossible to gaze at them for too long. Leleina hates people staring at her, it unnerves her and is prone to hiding her insecurity by responding with a snarl. Her face is pixie like – girlish and even considerably beautiful. To men that know her either personally or by reputation would call her attitude the only downside to her femininity.
She is slight of frame rewarding her incredible flexibility and agility. Leleina takes to wearing close-fitting clothing scandalously close to being men's clothing. There is much opinion whether Leleina dresses appropriately for a lady but she prefers clothing that will be unhindered in combat. Although she recently took to wearing lace gloves, as a sign of her contempt for the chatter and as a personal irony.
Masked by her curt and presumptuous skills is her desire to avoid interaction with others; she finds simple interactions unnerving as she trusts very few people, but she's willing to give someone a chance if Eleanor is the one to introduce them. Though her immediate reaction is to wonder how and why they know Eleanor and how they plan to fleece her.
She performs worse with men, having a fear against them she's naturally inclined to escape their presence. Depending on the situation she might also hurt them if cornered or they show interest in her at social events, making it difficult to request a dance or express genuine pleasantry towards her. However, pursuing any interest in her would be folly, as her feelings for Eleanor are romantic.
The girls in the Araede family understand her through her background and try to help her, but other people mostly find her arrogant or obnoxious. Eleanor Araede is the only one Leleina feels completely comfortable being with, as she views Eleanor as her saviour. Her attachment to the Lady of House Araede is fierce and pervasive, and she will defend Eleanor against even verbal insults. As much as Eleanor can handle herself, Leleina is easy to anger when matters concern her saviour, even irrational.
She has developed her Allomancy as a way to protect Eleanor, and has dedicated a fiercely driven initiative to studying anything that can improve her functionality in the role of a personal guard. Mathematics and science are essential to developing the dynamics of her fighting style, as well as her requesting tuition in sociology and training how to spot potential threats.
Leleina is intelligent, something her blood family neglected so she had to teach herself. She found books as an escape from reality, and while nobody would call her a scholar of literature she does enjoy her fiction. The only thing holding her back is her crippling paranoia and social awkwardness.
Strengths: Ever since being young, Leleina has had to survive the harsh treatment of her family – her mother abandoning her emotionally, her step-brother's abuse, and the lack of salvation wherever she turned. Although sanctioned with personality disorders as a result, Leleina finds stability in being around the other Araede girls and Eleanor. This allowed her to focus with an almost possessed zeal in making herself a better combatant through the use and understanding of mathematics and science.
She is a superb combatant, owing to her innate flexibility, with a natural talent for martial arts and light weapons. She is able to focus in training with an intensity her tutors call phenomenal.
Despite her family disregarding her education Leleina is actually quite intelligent and they didn't deny her access to whatever material she wanted in the family library. Although she's no scholar she is able to grasp theories in physics and biology, and she has a natural proficiency when it comes to mathematics. She is also well versed in the Allomantic arts, and because she had to hide it from her family – lest they get suspicious of why she was studying that particular topic – she has developed a knack for misdirection, dishonesty, and obscurity.
Weaknesses: Her stability doesn't come without a price. For most of her teenage years she believed she was insignificant and felt lonely when she wasn't allowed to have friends. The abuse of her step-brother only heightened her fear over the power that men could oppress her with, leading to an apprehension of all men later in life.
She hardly ever leaves Eleanor's side for fear of acknowledging her vulnerability without her. Her childhood left her with dreadful self-worth that she relies on others to keep her stable.
This attachment also manifests as an overcompensation to protect Eleanor. Anger is her most effective tool, a defiance to even the most grand of nobles that could be considered offensive. Eleanor's congenial diplomacy has had to smooth over several rough encounters.
Leleina's mother was granted a veritable branch of the family business. From time to time, Leleina's older brother, Steren, visited the plantation to oversee its operation. It was only odd when it became apparent he frequented a plantation requiring very little maintenance more than others. It was obvious he had a predilection for this one.
Leleina was only fourteen when her brother began his abuse. Steren's mother, having found out about it in the first few weeks, promulgated that her son was overseeing the smaller plantation as valuable business experience for the young heir-apparent. Having discussed it the night before, the House Lord had agreed to the notion, however she had covered up the scandal even to her own husband.
By keeping both her mother and Leleina they acknowledged them legally as family, ergo any insult at them would reflect on the Lord; an insurance that Steren could not be indited in a scandal without being a detriment to their own business deals.
Leleina's mother constantly pandered to the demands of her peers and acquiesced with any “request.” Some might have said her behaviour bordered on delusional – indeed many of the housekeepers called her crazy behind her back. So it came as no surprise that she would choose not to believe her own daughter's allegations of abuse, especially when the accused was Leleina's own step-brother. They had a comfortable life, even isolated as they were on the border, that Leleina could jeopardize. Her mother might have acted on her daughter's pleas for help were she not so convinced they'd be left with nothing. In the end, the decision she made was in securing a future for herself and Leleina.
In the grand scheme of it all she'd neglected to factor in her own daughter's condition, who was a timid girl to begin with, only caring about the security of a home and wealth while her concerns for her daughter were the misguided attempts to justify her guilt.
When Steren started his abuse, Leleina was refusing to leave the manor or even interact with any of the servants.
Leleina's accusations were dismissed as lies by her family; fantasies of a teenage girl going through puberty craving attention. Leleina's fear grew after realising she had nowhere to go for safety, hopelessly bound to the family that wouldn't protect her. Leleina's mother had not been a stable individual for over a decade; to give Leleina the support she desperately needed was beyond her.
Before a rival House ran a smear campaign using Leleina's accusations as the fuel, the scandal was rarely spoken of amongst the nobility, even the skeptics. Within a year Steren's visitations had increased in frequency when the campaign struck with precision. Steren was now in the worst possible position to repudiate the claims.
Leleina's own instability, engineered by her family, slowly became poison to the critics. In a tactical move, Leleina had been declared delusional by not one, but two medical professionals bribed to produce false reports of examinations that never actually occurred.
The campaign to besmirch their family name frayed and lost its integrity and further more, Steren's visitations had to be regarded as benevolent concern for his half-sister, otherwise smaller Houses risked damaging their reputation by claiming otherwise.
Unfortunately, this brought Leleina into the public spotlight.
Even if some supported her in secret they could not voice it – some didn't accept everything thrown at them as the truth, but knew they couldn't help without putting their business at risk. Most just didn't care except how to use it in future to gain the upper-hand against Leleina's father's business.
Having nowhere to hide and escape her suffering, and after witnessing her mother publicly humiliate and betray her, Leleina's mind slipped into a fugue state for several days. Having already suffered regular panic attacks, nausea, and outright episodes of terror, her mind was seeking other ways to escape her reality. In a panic she found not madness awaited her in the void, rather a warm light that gave her an odd sensation of strength. Leleina drew on it for comfort, unknowingly drawing an ability she wouldn't come to realise until she was a little older. She was 15 at this point.
When eventually she emerged from her fugue, dazed, her mind remained fractured and, coupled with depression, she began to dissociate with those around her, regarding all the world's inhabitants with hostility, both for and from. Although the intense emotional trauma had revealed something to her that she would hold onto for the rest of her life, as both a comfort and source of strength; at some point in her breakdown Leleina had Snapped.
Eventually, she managed to meet her brother's advances with a cold reluctance, and eventually began making passive-aggressive gestures to the rest of the family, including her mother. She had a privilege so few in life had that helped focus her mind, the continued exploration of which lent her the necessary retreat into herself. All her frustration, her anger, her phobias eventually compounded into an emotional outlet by sabotaging her father's plantation – freeing some of the skaa, burning the crops which, incidentally, also burnt down a section of the manor.
Her father reacted by putting her through her first Allomantic testing, using the brutality of it as more of a punishment. He ordered Steren to oversee the procedure, possibly knowing that his son wouldn't be lenient with the beating.
To rub salt in the wound, they even waited the extra few days until her sixteenth birthday. Her brother turned up that morning and ordered the servants to beat her without warning. Leleina managed to keep her Allomancy a secret but with difficulty. When Steren was satisfied she wasn't an Allomancer he wished the cowering, broken girl a happy birthday and left.
The “test” had been a warning: don't meddle in our affairs.
Leleina was left crying on the cold stone floor with several broken bones. The beating had been more brutal than was considered nominal for these tests. Her mother told her she'd provoked it with her vindictive sabotage as she stood over her daughter's broken body, before ordering the servants to take her to her rooms, where she was bed-ridden for weeks to recover. While incapacitated she was free from the attentions of her brothers and only servants tended to her. Between the servants' intrusions she was alone with herself. And her power.
With more time to explore her power without the fear of being discovered she drew confidence from being something her step-brother could never be. She found the most helpful of all her powers was that one that renewed her strength, invigorating and replenishing her. But she had such a limited span of it between meals.
In her state her mother couldn't even face her, either out of disgusted pity or guilt Leleina never found out; she never asked. Though in her state it was questionable what a rational thought passed for.
When she was at last proclaimed fit to walk around, barely so, she was beaten again. This time less severe than before. Every time she recovered, she was beaten back into bed again. And as always, Leleina's mother never exhibited an ounce of concern for her daughter, on the surface it was considered as a punishment for the outbursts and allegations of a spoiled little girl. Whether she actually knew the severity of her daughter's injuries was always ambiguous, at which point Leleina suspected her mother couldn't face her out of guilt.
Even so, it took practice to get to the point where very little bothered Leleina any more. She learned to tolerate the regular punishment, improving her pain threshold with every visitation. Instead of breaking her, every broken bone, every bruise, strengthened her resolve to defy her tormentors. But it was nothing short of a challenge. Leleina was paranoid and still suffered intense emotional trauma, cringing at any sudden movement Steren made.
She was slowly coming to understand the power she depended on now. Initially she was scared, realising the potential for devastation caused by Allomancy but asked herself why it bothered her. There was no-one in the world worth crying over if they did get hurt.
She still practised her talents in private. The time spent incapacitated in bed gave her plenty of it as she learnt to associate each flame with its power, while never drawing on too much of her Allomantic skills. She had one of the skaa servants she trusted, Kaisja, to sneak in information – books, manuscripts – on Allomancy and several other topics of study to mask her real interest. Although she found an interest in literature, philosophy, and mathematics.
In her research she discovered she was one of the fabled “Mistborn,” able to Burn all of the Allomantic metals. She learnt of the other metals she'd never before used, their trace elements not naturally occurring in her environment and asked Kaisja to retrieve them in small amounts.
Kaisja took a sympathetic role in Leleina's life. Leleina never ordered the skaa around, never punished them nor shouted or even got angry. And with her suffering Kaisja saw more of a skaa in Leleina than her noble heritage, for the way she was treated she might just aswel be a skaa. Sadly, Leleina drew little comfort from someone who was incapable of protecting her when she couldn't even protect herself. Realising the similarity between them both might have given Leleina enough reason to have faith in someone like Kaisja; there was no hope for either of them.
She still wept every night until she could no longer force out the tears. She wanted to cry more, but no more tears would come. Hardening her spirit was the only path that sanity would walk along, alongside her secret nobody else knew about.
Burning pewter after and even during her beatings (along with copper to hide her powers) helped her tolerate and become indifferent to them. Though she never fully burned pewter, nor flared it. It was only a steady trickle to keep her from blacking out. Allomancy only helped with the physical side of the pain, the emotional still persisted with the same ferocity every time. Her own resolve was remarkable enough to compensate for her refusal to burn more of the relieving metal, feeling the pain toughen her will. Steren would not allow her to not feel physical pain for affronting his father and costing the business a huge profit.
She'd hidden her powers from the world, denying her family the knowledge of the powerful weapon within their grasp and this helped the most in coming to the conclusion that the pain was just a compromise for her gift. Leleina was quiet as her Allomancy tests progressed, learning to accept the pain as routine, knowing she had something that gave her a purpose. What her family saw as obedience was infact a quiet defiance and the beatings decreased in severity, finally stopping altogether. No longer bed-ridden, she practised her talent in secret whenever she would find herself alone, having a preference for the physical metals. Training those would be more effective should she ever need to protect herself.
By this time Leleina had been distant emotionally for some time. But it wouldn't take long for something to force all those trapped emotions out. Leleina ignored her own bodies pleas to feel, ignored even the self-preserving instinct that bespoke the danger to herself. Maybe she'd have died had she been normal, or maybe not, but Leleina was still only human.
Her first taste of blood came indirectly, only the smell of it carried up to her as she observed the execution in Luthadel. She'd been visiting as Steren's accomplice to the city; he wanted her to see the abominations – or the “glory” as he called it – of the Lord Ruler's empire. Steren detested the skaa but Leleina couldn't find any reason to distinguish them from anyone else. Those more destitute than the aristocracy appeared to have more venerability than Steren ever had. That night she saw the other side to their race, a much less orderly role than the servants she was accustomed to.
At this point she was forced to fight for her life. Not that she hadn't been doing most of her life. It was the manner which provided the surprise – being mugged at knife-point was certainly an experience.
Unleashing her Allomantic powers she killed every single one of the would-be cut-throats, feeling no remorse at what she'd done. That, however, didn't surprise her. The act of killing was a trivial matter when regarding the thieves and awoke a primal instinct otherwise dormant until now. At that time another thought crossed her mind: could she manage to do the same to Steren...
They spent the next week in Luthadel, Steren “escorting” her around, her twitching at every touch he laid upon her. She was gaining confidence in her ability and so in herself but still found it hard to not react around her despicable half-brother. The recent attack sparked in her a wariness for her surroundings. Having not ventured outside in public for many years presented a challenge for her. Her use of tin became almost constant to heighten her senses. Not a day after the skaa assault did she meet a woman, a raven haired beauty in the foyer of their hotel. Apparently the woman had been asking for a girl fitting Leleina's description and, upon having a private conference with the lady – after much protesting from Steren when he wasn't welcomed to the conversation – Leleina learned about the thieves and their motives.
Hired thugs got thrown around a lot, as did the name of a minor House Leleina had never heard of. Apparently these skaa were hired to assault and rob members of this woman's – introducing herself as Eleanor Araede - House and how Leleina had become a target was still a mystery to the older woman.
Although Leleina had been suspicious initially, Eleanor was warm and polite, even taking the time to explain in detail the problems Araede had been having with another House.
Eleanor even asked if Leleina wanted to go shopping together later. At first, Leleina declined, citing previous engagements – she might be emotionally distant but there still lingered a second-nature apprehension in regards to her brother. She didn't yet want to openly defy her family and didn't actually know if she could. However, Eleanor was persistent in her requests that Leleina eventually, with reluctance, accepted.
Eleanor was perceptive enough to get Leleina to start thinking about herself. She'd held up a mirror for Leleina to reflect on what she saw therein. Without realising it consciously, Leleina was opening up to someone, baring herself to a stranger who constantly gave Leleina pause to consider herself from the perspective of their words.
They met again on several occasions, Eleanor apparently having rooms at the same hotel and Leleina requesting Eleanor's presence, now consciously hungering to see how the mature woman regarded her. She was subconsciously enjoying the presence of another even if Eleanor's motives were slightly obscure.
Eventually they started taking strolls together, actually going shopping several times where Eleanor picked out a dress for Leleina, telling her not to worry about the cost. However, Leleina came back to Eleanor the next day, the dress in tatters. When asked, Leleina just gritted her teeth and apologised for letting it get damaged. Leleina was angry, for the first time in years, truly angry. An act of generosity, the first real compassion shown to Leleina, had been trampled on. Eleanor had shown her not all were like Steren and her family and it elicited a moment of guilt Leleina couldn't recall ever feeling before. She hadn't noticed it yet but Leleina had quickly developed an attachment to Eleanor; there was still a little girl inside of her that was clawing at that patch of light.
Eleanor told Leleina not to worry about the dress, instead showing more concern as to what had happened – Eleanor had seen Steren on several occasions and had reason to suspect him. Leleina, sensing this, broke out the truth. She didn't even know why, but getting out her past, telling someone about her torment, her pain and suffering to someone who's eyes didn't betray a glimmer of pity for the “mad” girl she was supposed to be made her feel elated. On the spur of the moment, Eleanor invited Leleina to come back with her, back to the Araede home. She didn't know what to do although she knew one thing for certain: she did want to live a different life.
Something about her was changing, she was beginning to have hope again. Not knowing much about propriety Leleina expected to be able to walk out of this life into another, yet she didn't delude herself with any measure of simplicity about that plan. Steren and the rest of the family wouldn't allow it. But she was finding it a desperate struggle to rein in her emotions after seeing the alternatives. But could she just leave all of sudden and put Eleanor's family on the hot coals? And the paramount worry: could she really confront Steren?
While voicing her concerns, Eleanor, with zero hesitation, offered to escort Leleina to her hotel room, get her stuff and declare her departure. Steren approached her rooms, his younger brother in tow after hearing of his sister's return. He wasn't at all surprised to find Eleanor in company, though he did regard her with mock caution that hid an undertone of apprehension towards Eleanor's assertive glare. When Steren learned of his sister's decision – Eleanor wording it to sound as though Leleina would be visiting the Araede estate – he became enraged. And like always, Steren threatened her with punishment.
Eleanor watched the boy's fury before stepping between him and Leleina, just as he was about to back-hand her no less. Steren turned his threats on Eleanor shortly before she rebuked the young heir, all the chill of the north following her voice. Leleina will be coming with me, you will not intercede, and yes you can go tell daddy but I caution you where you stand. Still angered, Steren quested with a who do you think you are? Eleanor, still calm, flicked a hidden knife out of her sleeve, holding it to Steren's throat, remarking how fragile human life is, how easy it is to break a human being. The words carried a double meaning, both with the callous bravado of a threat, and an almost sad under-cast that betrayed her concern for Leleina. They weren't losing much for Araede to adopt the girl they'd rather see erased from existence anyway. Only Steren, who was losing his plaything.
Leleina worried if she was doing the right thing or if she should just run away, leave Eleanor and her family out of harms way. She didn't want to bring down all her problems on the only woman that had ever shown her compassion and kindness. However, this woman, Eleanor, didn't seem the least bit worried. They left Luthadel for the Western Dominance without any further contest.
Leleina found out why a month later.
The news came early one morning: her family had fallen into financial collapse. Apparently, it was said, that they'd been caught embezzling with client's money, bribing officials to produce false statements and, above all, had used hired thugs to intimidate clients. Leleina was directed by an Araede maid to speak with Eleanor about it, adding a laugh like she knew but would let Eleanor explain.
Seeking out the woman Leleina finally learned why Eleanor had been so protective of Leleina all this time. Eleanor had heard about her since she was younger, had heard about all the scandal surrounding her family and desired to help her. After all, she said, that's what an Araede does: helps women in need. And, as it turned out, Eleanor was behind the exposure. She even managed to get Leleina's father to sign the adoption papers, officially making Leleina an Araede.
Eleanor just smiled. But Leleina felt an exhilarating pressure she could only relieve with tears. She burst into them profusely, burying her head in Eleanor's breast. The little girl she'd locked away for so long finally breaking free. This feeling of security, the belief that she was truly safe invoked emotions in Leleina that didn't coincide with the battle she'd been fighting her entire teenage life.
Although, it was impossible for Leleina to fully shake her past. Eleanor was her only source of comfort; her heart belonged to the woman that had rescued her from her oppression and given her an opportunity to live without fear, but she still couldn't confess her love. Social interaction still proved a challenge too, as she suspected everyone's motives and worried they wanted to hurt her. A man's touch proved most difficult that she avoided contact as much as possible.
Leleina was indebted to Eleanor, or so she felt, as much as the older woman protested; Araede had rescued several girls from brothels and failing noble Houses that mistreat their women. Their House was full of women who accepted Leleina like a sister, even the men who mostly took inferior roles to the women spoke pleasantly, even deferred to her. Stubbornly refusing otherwise, Leleina appointed herself Eleanor's personal guard. The Araede council had an uproar at a woman appointing herself authority and Eleanor had to get Leleina to agree, before the council, that she would act in regards to her position in the hierarchy as a young Araede. Not that there was much persuasion necessary; Leleina was happy to accept any role aslong as she could protect and be near Eleanor.
Despite their indignation, the Araede council of elders, the most senior of all ladies save for the House Lady herself, agreed to Leleina's terms. Before they could appoint a senior to watch over her, Eleanor stated she would tutor the girl. Taken aback, Eleanor reminded them that the House Lady held the final decision and as her daughter Eleanor was the heir-apparent. In her mother's condition she had been appointed with the temporary office of speaking on her mother's behalf to the rest of the family.
For the next few years Leleina took up several hobbies such as dancing. She was free to experiment and practice with her Allomancy making greater progress than she ever had in the past. She focused mainly on the metals that would be useful around Eleanor and incorporated Seeking into her repertoire, to sniff out if someone was Burning around her mistress. Her attachment would later bloom into a romantic interest awkwardly expressed in private.
When she was 21, Leleina tried to express her love towards Eleanor but decided on not doing so because of her uncertainty.
Seeing the potential in the girl, Eleanor had Leleina take on more dangerous tasks. Ones that went all the way up to and not excluding assassination. At the age of 22 she was mature enough to handle difficult situations. Confidence from the adrenaline led her to confess once more but before Leleina could get to the point, Eleanor let on that she viewed Leleina as a weapon.
At this, Leleina was enraged. She was sure Eleanor only saw her as a tool and would never reciprocate her feelings. She told her mistress such, accidentally revealing that she loved Eleanor when the latter tried to discern the origin of Leleina's outburst. Embarrassed and angry, Leleina Pushed herself out of a window to be alone.
Eleanor found her some time later coming back from wandering the mists. Leleina stated that she would only stay because she really had nowhere else to go and, though she didn't admit it, because she'd rather let Eleanor use her as a tool than have any harm come to Eleanor. However, Eleanor embraced Leleina in a deep and long kiss there in the mists. Confused, Eleanor had to explain she hadn't gotten to finish what she was going to say before Leleina had exploded in rage.
She was going to say how much she valued Leleina as a confidante and a friend but didn't know how to act on her other feelings, concluding at the time that revealing her love might damage their relationship. However, when Leleina confessed in her tantrum, Eleanor was spurred into reciprocating it.
From then on, the two bonded even more for the next six years. Although they had to keep their relationship a secret due to the discrimination of the nobility against same-sex couples, Leleina finally had someone she could implicitly trust.
"You're back." Having looked up, Leleina could now see the darkness under Eleanor's eyes. It was unusual for her to stay up all night for no reason. Leleina had been contracted for an early morning job she'd wanted to do without worrying Eleanor. The contract came through the council and Eleanor hadn't been pleased when she'd found out Leleina had agreed to it. The last image of her before leaving had a look of disappointment, now she looked relieved and Leleina realised what she'd mistaken as disappointment was actually worry mixed with anger at the council members. Worry for her.
Something started in Leleina, like the fire illuminating the room slowly burning and spreading out unhindered, warming her whole being and igniting a desire to share her warmth. She had to say something, she had to let Eleanor know. In her sleep deprived state she appeared as radiant as she did when commanding the authority of an entire room. Leleina pictured her now in the gown she'd worn to the last ball, an emerald figure moving through the crowds of indifferent faces. Absorbed too much in fantasy Leleina almost missed Eleanor's next line.
"I'm glad." That confirmed that she had been worried after all. She didn't need to say it, she probably wouldn't admit it knowing Eleanor, but it was all the comfort Leleina wished for. She glanced into those green eyes, not ignoring the visible signs of fatigue, and wanted to speak. She was about to but Eleanor interjected and the words got caught in her throat. "I don't see why the council didn't just run it by me first. It's ridiculous to think they'd send you out without my permission; you are my Maiden after all." There was a curious tinge to the words "my Maiden," as though she was speaking them with affection, like a young girl ennamoured by a cute boy she'd just met.
The sleepiness was making her drop her guard with her emotions. Did she want to say something that Leleina would be glad to hear? If she did, then would it be importune for Leleina to get her feelings in the open? After all, senior and junior to a sense, but they were also closer than just the simply master-student relationship. At least, Leleina felt that way, what if Eleanor felt that way too and was just too reserved to say it? She knew Eleanor had difficulty expressing herself intimately. Leleina had only seen that side of the Lady twice before; both times had been awkward for the older woman to the point Leleina had to convince her it was fine.
In that case Leleina could ease her doubts, she was strong enough to manage that at least.
"Um, Mistress, I need to be honest with myself, I need you to know how I feel with no illusions. I'm just going to say it and I want your honest opinion: I love you!" There. She'd confessed. But as Eleanor began to talk over her she thought her beloved had dodged the confession with matters of business until Leleina realised she'd not opened her mouth. Her tongue paralized in her mouth had not spoken the words she'd thought to say. And now Eleanor was bumbling on about how the House owed her for using Leleina, how Leleina was hers and hers to use alone. Wait, what? To use? How as it that Eleanor could think of her as just a tool? A handy piece of equipment forged for a specific job... and to be discarded when its usefulness passed. No. This was just like her family, her old family. She didn't want the rest of her life to be like that. Didn't want it to be a twist of lies and ill-fated misery under someone's rules.
She didn't even hear what Eleanor was saying beyond any of it until Eleanor placed a hand on her shoulder. "I said are you O.K. Lelly?" How could you use that name now? Her jaw ached from clenching her teeth she realised and her eyes were filling with heat.
"Why?" She simply said. Having to whisper it lest her anger be inflicted within it.
"Why what? Are you feeling unwell? Is it something I said because none of this was your fault you know, it's just how..."
"How what!? How I'm good at what I do. How advantageous it is having a Mistborn in the family? Huh?" Without meaning to, Leleina had just shouted at Eleanor for the first time in their lives together. They'd had their disputes in the past but always with regards to other people. This was personal. And it hurt.
"Lelly, I... I don't understand what you mean." Eleanor approached her and Leleina backed away. Away from the woman she had loved and who would never return her feelings in kind. The issue of sentiment had flamed away, her warming desire now a burning rage threatening to engulf everything it could touch.
"Of course not. I'm only a weapon to you, a knife in the dark, the sword that you swore never to use as a child and instead place in my hands. I thought I'd gotten away from all that, thought I meant something to you."
"You do. You mean more than you could think to me but it's hard for me to say anything." Eleanor looked desperate. Would she really say anything to keep hold of Leleina - the sword in her hand? It was too easy to trust when you'd had nothing but nightmares for the first nineteen years of your life and someone offered you the courtesy of comfort. Of anything in life, this moment hurt the most. It was the one thing Leleina could not build a wall fast enough to keep the flood of emotions from toppling the encampment.
"Then why would you say I'm just a tool?" She was practically screaming now.
"I never said that Lelly. Weren't you listening to a word I said? I know you're vulnerable and I don't ever want to hurt you so why are you getting so angry?"
She couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't handle the lies, the falsehoods, the misery. "Because I love you dammit!" The heat burst from her tear ducts in waves. Wetness spread down her cheeks to drip to the carpetted floor. Anguish poisoned those tears, forced from her body by loneliness and, yes, fear.
"That's all?" Silence broke the room. It had been like a supernatural being had just swooped through the room and stolen all sound from it. Even the crackling fire hushed in the presense of such powerful deities. Only Eleanor's voice could ward it off. "That's what's been bothering you? You can't imagine I'd ever love you back, is that so?"
Leleina's head came up, shock across her face mixed with the still flowing tears. There had been an implication in those words. And now Leleina noticed it for what seemed the first time in ever: how beautiful Eleanor's smile was. Wait. She'd confessed. It was just now dawning on her what she'd blurted out in a moment of fury. She had confessed. Leleina, the servant, had confessed to Eleanor, her mistress. No, Leleina had confessed to the one she loved. Eleanor. That was how she ought to be regarded. As the woman she is. Oh by the beard of a Terrisman - strange that they had none - she'd confessed! Embaressed, Leleina could not think of anything but escape, to get away from Eleanor's studious gaze. She turned to the window but immediately looked back. Eleanor was still staring at her. Realising she just wanted to jump on the woman her cheeks flushed so hot she had to turn away again. Why why why? Why was this happening? In her head it had been a harmonius procession of perfection. She'd imagined and replayed the scenario many times to herself. Confronted with the reality however, was much difficult than her mind led her to believe.
"Dammit!" She kicked off, flung open the doors to the balcony, and in an instant Burned steel and Pushed and everything and anything metal behind her. She heard things shift as they met the weight of her body, too light to compensate. And she Pushed so hard her stomach lurched, feeling as though it had turned over. Though that could also be from the shame. In an moment she was in the mists, the cool droplets of moisture patted her hot face, cooled her. And she closed her eyes.
***
The sun had crested the horizon well into the hours of morning now. Eleanor sat on her balcony edge, legs swinging precariously and, for the first time, uncautiously, over the ledge. She'd had time to think since Leleina's sudden departure. It was almost amusing to see the realisation dawn across the younger girls' face. But she was pretty dumb if she hadn't picked up on the hints all this time. Why did the girl think Eleanor used a pet-name like "Lelly"? Did she even realise how scandalously intimate that was, especially for the Lady of a House?
I'm hopeless. Eleanor sighed, thinking how difficult it had been to endure her feelings, no catharsis for her longings. I wanted you to know, Lelly, I really did. As she sat there a fluttering sound rose above the morning routines. Guards calling to each other in passing, maids bustling cleaning in the rooms below as lectures were being given to the younger girls. It grew louder but Eleanor didn't look up, not until the source of the sound padded gently to the balcony on her left.
There was a long moment of pause before either of them spoke. Eleanor wanted to give Leleina the chance to speak her mind.
"I'm sorry." It was about all the girl could muster up so Eleanor decided to make the next move. Swinging her legs up and over the stone ledge, gracefully touching the balcony she walked across to the mistcloaked girl, her back to Eleanor. Without saying a word, Eleanor embraced her from behind and buried her nose into Lelly's shoulder. Her hair was damp against her cheek, the skin bare and cold. Leleina swallowed hard and tried to say something but Eleanor reached around to place a finger on her lips. With that, Eleanor spun her around and without giving Leleina the thought of looking away, kissed her. Leleina made a squeek of surprise that was every measure of sweetness but she wasn't breaking off. If anything she was pressing harder into Eleanor's lips with her own, daring to ask for more.
Eleanor obliged her and both of the stood there locked in their embrace for what felt like an eternity. Gone were the woes and worries of the world, no concerns for obligations and responsibilities, there was only this moment, now, with the one she loved. After breaking contact, they only moved so far that each other's rapid breath coloured each of their cheeks. Eleanor smiled deviously.
"Red suits you." The words only served to turn Leleina a deeper shade of scarlet and Eleanor giggled. She felt like a little girl - how a little girl was supposed to feel in any case - and just wanted to smother Leleina in kisses, to take her inside and show her Maiden just how much she could cover. Instead she leaned in to whisper in the girl's ear. "You silly girl. But I'm sorry too, for not being able to tell you." Leleina let herself sway forward, stopping her head with Eleanor's shoulder. "I wanted you to know, Lelly. I really wanted you to know."
Edited by Lyrebon, 09 October 2013 - 11:00 PM.
