2 replies to this topic

[valken]

Valken Cett
(Misting/Noble)


Player Information
Name/Handle:Michael/Valken
OoC Account: (Required in order to use the account linking system)
Contact Information:[email protected]

Character Information
Name: Valen Cett
Type: Noble
Age:24
Gender:[/iMale]
Place of Origin:Western dominance
Occupation: Noble/thug
Relationship Status: Single

Powers enhanced physical abilities
-Type: (Misting,
-Metal(s) PewterUsed:
-Degree of Skill:Intermediate
-Status: Hidden
Appearance: height5'8, build average, hair short black, eyes storm blue, and their general demeanor

Appearance: Standing at a height 5/8 , Valken has the general Cett height. He has a long lean, compact stature, with a narrow waist, short torso. This lean frame, consists of a defined muscle structure due to high physical activity.His ability to walk silently is almost a feline assurance with which he moves. It can perhaps betray something of what lies underneath the physical. Valken may be light of build, but he has the physical edurance and force of personality to be someone to reckon with.

He has midnight black hair, cut short. Followed with a high, domed forehead. His heavy eyebrows conceal; the intelligent gaze of his strong storm blue eyes. A narrow chin coupled with a finely-trimmed, beard and moustache . While Valken is direct and prone to anger, he also has a calm reserve which he has mastered over time. He rarely shows emotion, and allows only what he chooses to be seen in his expression. He can be unceremonously difficult to read.

Special Skills:[/b] ( Reading, Writing, Armed Fighting, Observation, Metal Forgying
Strengths: honest flexable , protective to those he cares for

[i]Weaknesses:His honest nature and his extended family.Valken is incapable of lying. Anytime he tries to outright lie his facial expressions betray his emotional state to someone who is observent.So in order to be effective ,he must believe the lie he is telling is the truth.Valkens family is still important to him. They have high moral values which he follows as his own creed in life.

He has a sharp mind and instant reactions to stress filled situations. No lenghtly thought process, especially when it comes to fire. In the sub-consious mind Valkien is deathly afraid of fire. Just the thought, smell, or sight of large blazes leaves him paralyzed. Unable to react properly tosuch stimuli. It brings on flashbacks of the loss of Father and Family.

Personality: Valken is directly prone to rage , highly protective of those close to him . The death of Valkens father is what changed him. With the families manor destroyed the only family he had left were distant, toward him, though he is still loyal. He is also flexible in physical jobs. This comes from having a variety of jobs as an orphan growing up.

History: (At the age of 4 his talent of burning pewter manifested.) This happened just hours before the oblitrators came and accused Kainen Cett of treason. Valken watched as they killed his father.The bodies of Kainen and his serving staff were burnt in the manor.It was said the Lord Ruler ordered this. Valkien was taken outside and not killed, due to his young age. He was sent away after that to the city of Luthendale, to his extended Cett family.

He was not welcomed by the family. His father was a traitor after all. This cold reception barely lasted a year before he was sent away permently. His uncle called it an apprenticeship.. He studied for the next 10 years doing blacksmithing, a occupation far below his birthrite. This work was done for minor lord near Luthendale.At the age of 15, he was old enough to leave. He return Luthendale seeking ackowledgement of his nobilty and birthrights.

Valken's family lost most of its political status when Valken's father was killed .This left Adimar Cett, Valken's Uncle as acting head of the family.A position that he usurped from Valkien, when the family stature and holdings changed hands.The family gains much of their wealth from transport contracts they hold. Valken is a noble who is at a crossroads does he embrace his noble birthrite, or does he follow the morals of his heart.


Roleplay Sample At the age of 17 it all changed after that one night when I was in the Hotel District.
heard a woman screaming for help I ran for alley it seems they had ambused her while she was coming home their were three of them they were drunk when I came up behind them they didnt know I was there! Her cries awoke something inside me! A rage over came me my pewter started to burn I charged !they didnt stand a chance I killed them the woman she ran off some time during the fight.

Edited by valken, 26 March 2012 - 07:52 PM.

[Comatose]

Hey Valken.

To start off, I want you to understand I'm not meaning this as a personal attack. I'm just trying to maintain the quality of the site, and help you make your character the best he can be. This is going to require some criticism, so please take it as constructive.

First of all, your formatting is still off. It makes the application very difficult to read. It's better than it was before, but it could still use some tidying up here and there. An example of something that needs to be cleaned up is your title. For some reason, one of the brackets around the first center has been deleted, which is why the tags are visible and the title isn't centered. What probably happened is when you copy and pasted the template, you didn't go quite to the beginning, and missed copying the first bracket. Futhermore, you are meant to replace the text "character name" with your character's actual name (in this case" Valken Cett"). The same goes for type of character.

My advice would be to go look through other character apps to see what they look like and try to emulate them. For a first-time character, Lyr has a very well formatted and well written application (without the fancy frills some of the more experienced members have added). Try your best to emulate this format. Another thing Lyr's application demonstrates is an appropriate length. Some of your areas need to be much more fleshed out, such as:

Weaknesses: since Valken only has one weakness, I'd like you to explain a bit about why his honest nature is a weakness and what sorts of problems it causes for him. A realistic character should have multiple weaknesses, but if this is the only one you want to put in, it should be a rather strong one, in order to make sure your character is balanced.

Appearance: We prefer for the appearance section to be in full sentences. As is, it is very hard to read or make sense of.

That being said, the Personality, History, and RP sections could all be edited to read better. Many times you trail off one thought directly into another without any form of punctuation, making what you are trying to say difficult to understand. An example is this:

Quote

heard a woman screaming for help I ran for alley it seems they had ambused her while she was coming home their were three of them they were drunk when I came up behind them they didnt know I was there!

Now there are a number of ways to fix this. My advice would be to read your prose out loud. If it sounds awkward to speak it, it's probably awkward for other people to read as well. Also, each of these latter sections should be a little longer. Aside from a sparsely detailed point for uncatalogued of his history, you don't mention much about who Valken is, why he is the way he is, where he came from or where he is going. How did he end up working for a blacksmith, where did he go after his father was killed? Is he in Luthadel now? How did he get to Luthadel? These are only a few of many questions that need to be answered.

As far as the RP sample goes, I'm not sure what is going on, so it definitely needs to be edited and fleshed out more. You give no indication of setting, time, and other than a brief mention of his rage, we don't really know what is going on in Valken's head. To fix this, my advice is to read over some of the other RP samples to get a feel for how other people do it and don't be afraid to take a little time to make your application good. There's no need to rush, though you are probably excited to get RPing. Taking a little more time with your application will actually make the process go faster.

I have a few other concerns about your use of House Cett, but they might be unimportant. The problem is, I don't know enough about Valken and his family to be able to tell if what you are doing with the Cetts is all right or not. First of all, Valken can't be the last Cett, since the Cett's are a fairly prominent house a hundred years later in the books. If Valken and his uncle are the last one's left, and they lost their 'political status', it doesn't seem possible for Ashweather Cett to be where he is in Well of Ascension. That's a more finicky detail though, so we can discuss it later when the more basic problems are dealt with.

I hope that helps, let me know if you have any questions.

[KChan]

This board is for finished applications; the Workshop is for getting feedback before you submit. Please choose one or the other; don't post the same character in both at the same time. It's confusing, and ultimately you won't get very good feedback because people won't know where to reply to you.

Since you posted the workshop thread after editing this submission, I'm treating that as the current submission and locking this thread.