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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

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Comatose's Photo


Member Since 17 Jan 2011
Offline Last Active Aug 02 2019 03:12 AM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Lucien Faarskar

07 December 2018 - 12:58 AM

Approved from me as well. Thanks for making the changes.

In Topic: MBI World-Hoppers?

03 December 2018 - 01:55 PM

Youll need to get a character accepted before you can start effecting the plot in even minor ways, let alone major ones like that. Id avoid getting ahead of yourself.

We already have 10 cycles with scheduled time jumps outlined, which will take the foreseeable future to complete.

In Topic: Zero - Skaa Pewterarm

01 December 2018 - 08:54 PM

Hi Lord Kronos!

There are some very interesting elements to this character - I am excited to work on him with you. Sorry for the delay - thank-you for your patience.

Some of my comments are small changes. The main substantive thing I'd like to see is a little more flesh on the personality section. Right now "angry at the world, but overall a good guy" doesn't give us much to make him distinctive. I'd advise you to try to think about what makes him who he is - how has his mother's death, or his relationship with Alistair changed him? Did being an only child shape him in any way? What does he do for fun when he's not fighting or on duty? What are his opinions on different aspects of the empire? How does he treat new acquaintances or old friends? Does he have any interest in romance? Is he an introvert or an extrovert? He is rarely afraid to speak his mind -but what thoughts and opinions does he speak - when is he more likely to do so?

Those are a few questions that I hope will be useful prompts, but feel free to include whatever you want. The personality is really what makes a character distinct, and provides a useful road map for how to play them when responding to unexpected situations in the RP. I often refer back to that part of my character sheets to figure out how my characters should be reacting when I am uncertain.

While it's less important than personality, under appearance you could also include how he is perceived - is he intimidating? How does he speak, what does his voice sound like? How does he stand and move? What is his wardrobe like? Thinking about these things should help you flesh out the character, and give people something to reference when they are writing about seeing your character in the RP.

That aside, I really like the concept overall, and just have a few minor comments:
(1) Skaa don't have surnames - just one name per skaa character.
(2) Role Play Sample - What you have is good, but we don't get to see much of Zero's personality or what he's like at play here. Part of this is because he's being acted upon, rather than acting. Also, the scene is quite dated and we usually prefer the RP sample, or at least one part of the RP sample, to be close to present day, especially for younger characters, so we can get a sense for what they are like now. I think you could include the scene you have now as part of your history, and write a new RP sample of Zero doing something in his present capacity as bodyguard/mercenary.

In Topic: Lucien Faarskar

01 December 2018 - 08:40 PM

Hello Daydam. Excellent writing as always! I especially like Lucien's take on the brother's dynamic.

Two small details about the ministry that need to be corrected:

(1) Time as an Acolyte and Tattoos - It takes more than two weeks to beceome an Obligator and get their tattoos, and to start, acolytes recieve minimal tattoos before they are placed with a Canton. This process was accellerated for Marsh in the books because he came in as if he had already gone through the training, which is why he gets his Inquisition mark right away, but for Lucien doing it the proper way he wouldn't be able to vanish for two weeks and come back with Finance Tattoos. The training also occurs in Austrex. I think this can be solved by having him join the ministry, come back with the shaved head and robes of an acoylte, and informing his brother he won't be returning home as he has already contracted himself to the Ministry.

(2) Family Status - Not a huge point necessarily needing correction, but technically Astor wouldn't have kicked Lucien out - Lucien would have lost his place in the family by joining the ministry. How you have it I think it works anyways, because maybe Lucien feels like he was kicked out, as long as it's clear he actually would have left to join.

As I said above, there are a lot of good things about Lucien and I can't wait to see him approved, once that small nit-picky thing about the ministry training is cleared up. Tag me on discord if you want to discuss and hash out details :).

In Topic: Abraxas MacGuile's Character Apps: S1 #2 V5: Cassandolia Ferrey

01 December 2018 - 08:26 PM

Hello Abraxas - This section is for finished applications only - if you would like to post work in progress character profiles, please do so in the Workshop. I will be moving these there now. You can repost when they are complete.