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The Lord Ruler's perfect capital city, Luthadel, is doing the impossible: rebelling. Skaa half-breeds are being taught the power of Allomancy, something that the Lord Ruler's obligators said only existed in the nobility. The enslaved skaa, with their murderous benefactor, now fight back against a living god's oppression.

So, the Inquisition was formed. The nobles begin to fear assassination from all sides. The times of nobility Mistborn killing each other are over. The Steel Inquisitors look for aristocrat traitors and insurgent skaa, and the skaa try with all their strength to merely survive. The Lord Ruler's perfect Final Empire is slowly devolving into chaos.

Read the full prologue!

Topics on the forum will contain spoilers for the Mistborn Trilogy









Mistborn Series Brandon Sanderson
Allomantic Table, Symbols, and Cartography by Isaac Stewart
Luthadel Images: mking2008
Other Graphics: KChan at 17th Shard
Final Empire, Metallic Arts, and Style Guides by Chaos at 17th Shard
All original characters, places, and documentation are property of their creators. Do not reproduce or republish without permission.

A subsidiary of 17th Shard, the Official Brandon Sanderson Fansite

Moru's Photo

Moru

Member Since 06 Jun 2011
Offline Last Active Dec 14 2017 01:40 AM
*****

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Grimwether Beauchamps

11 December 2017 - 12:00 AM

Grimwether is off to a good start! I am glad you're so eager to get to plotting with everyone and to get writing with us. I am also excited that there's another wine house in the making, it makes plots pretty interesting.

I do have a few questions and notes before I am able to accept him, and these are mostly just things for you to think about and decide how or if you'll incorporate them. I think that the history is written really creatively, but I do think it was a little bit harder to understand, which is why it took me awhile to get back to you. I think that it's better to do it in linear fashion, or to break up the sections with time jump markings (like "***" on its own line in between sections) just because I had to read several times through to make sure I'm getting his timeline correct.

These first two things are things that have to be addressed:

The first thing I noticed is his age. I want to make sure I'm reading it correctly. Our current RP is in the year 918. In his history, you have him being born in 890 I think, which is 28 years (the age at the beginning of the app is listed as 27). Some clarity there would be good.

Next - and this is probably the most important. You call him a bronze Savant a couple of times in the app, at the beginning, and in the headline of the app, but I don't see much basis in the body of his history that would make me believe he really is a Savant. If he Snaps during the fight after his father dies, that would only leave 2-3 years for him to practice his new abilities. If you want him to be a savant, he would have to spend time cultivating the ability, and burning almost constantly every moment he's awake from when he Snaps. and simply having him Snap earlier and spend more time practicing could help with the believability, but he can also be an advanced bronze user and not be savant level.

The rest is mostly my personal notes about the character that you can choose to ignore (and I'll still accept him), but it's something to be thinking about to make Grimwether better than he already is.

Grimwether is (or rather: was born) the heir of the house, and it'd be nice to see a bit of his father trying to instill those shrewd business skills he has into his son, because presumably, Grimwether is being groomed to take on the role of Lord Beauchamps when his father dies. The steward wouldn't be able to teach him all that he needs to know, in that instance. That also might make it an easy way to add in Grimwether taking an interest in the house's business as well - because you tell us he has an interest and experience with it, but you don't show us that he's interested by having him learn it or spend time doing it at all in his history. I guess you could think about it like... If someone were to tell you that they love bananas, but you never saw them spend any time eating bananas, you'd start to question if they actually like them. Does that make sense?

The only other thing that I saw that might need attention is again, a bit of a personal hitch for me. I love fight scenes, and they're super hard to write. I think you did a great job with it overall, but in that fight with the Thug in the history, you say that the Thug gives him a "brutal" blow to the hip and Grim crumples to the floor. If you're burning pewter, you're strong. Very strong. A brutal blow would probably crush the hip bone, and would be intensely painful, but Grim doesn't seem to react to that pain, except to fall on the ground. Even through adrenaline that he probably has coursing through him, I think he'd probably be in a lot more pain that he's exhibiting. This is just my personal opinion, but adrenaline only carries you so far. So you can choose to change that or leave it the same, I just thought I'd point out that it stuck out to me.

In Topic: Kess

26 November 2017 - 10:32 PM

I absolutely love the style you chose for Kess' history! I definitely Accept~!

Just be careful about which words get capitals and which don't. (For example, it's always Allomancy, and never skaa.) see this post under #9 for that list of what is and is not capitalized. :)

In Topic: Swashbucklers

13 August 2017 - 06:15 PM

Felix watched Eliza, concentrating on her movements while they practiced. He could see what was taught to her by Nat, because she would use his exact movements. Then he could tell some of what she had adapted herself. It was good that she was changing with the fight. That was important to prepare her for a real fight. He watched her calculate her moves, but the trouble was, because of her restricted movement in the dress, he could actually tell exactly where she was going to go next.

"Luthadel has some interesting fashions, do they not?" Felix said, deflecting one of her attacks, and coming around the other side. "Perhaps this is why they prefer to teach their women to play piano rather than with knives."

He waited a while longer before breaking off the fight and then had his cousin stop. "Unlce Nat is a large man. The way he fights is, out of necessity, different than the way you or I should," he said. "You are small and agile. You have started to use that to your advantage, but that dress is a little too restrictive. How high can you raise your arms?"

In Topic: Stars and High Society: The Perrault Ball

31 July 2017 - 11:35 PM

Felix slowly led her through some of the basic steps. He went through the first steps he learned. He led her through the steps making sure to keep his posture and watch her posture at the same time.

When he brought up Damien, Lucille sighed. Felix looked confused for a moment before shaking his head.

"Oh, I didn't ask you to dance so you would introduce me to Damien. I asked you to dance because you were alone and I wanted to dance. It's also a good excuse to talk to you, so I can invite you to an event I'm organizing," He paused, grinning widely.

"I guess you must get introduce me to your cousin often. I didn't even think of that, I'm sorry. I wanted to invite both of you to a wine tasting to give a few people an exclusive look at the Fathvell tasting room in our keep before our ball next week, and since I have never talked to Damien, it would be rather odd of me to just walk up and invite him..."

He chuckled. "Again, I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't actually want to dance with you. Sometimes, I can be a bit of a bafoon. I guess I should have led with the invitation, and then asked you to introduce me to Damien."

In Topic: Swashbucklers

26 July 2017 - 02:47 AM

Felix chuckled. Only his cousin would think that his instincts to flip her over and pin her to the ground were "amazing." She wasn't even scared that she'd get hurt? That was probably because she liked to talk with pirates. He realized that he was vastly underestimating Eliza. He had been for years. He was supposed to protect her as one of the house Mistborn. That was supposed to be his job, but she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

She just needed to be taught how. So that was what Felix would do. He would teach her to take care of herself so that when she didn't have him around, she would still be able to defend herself if it came to that.

"Well, it is more about momentum, but if he has pewter like we suspect, he'll have the dexterity to get out of a hold like that," Felix said, smiling. "There are other ways to hurt or disable even a pewterarm, though. Which I could also teach you if you wanted."

He realized he was rambling and decided to start sparring with Eliza as he finished talking. He took a stance and came at her, a bit slowly, but he wanted to make sure she was ready. Which she clearly was. She was trained by Nat. There was no reason to go slow.